ATWT - Karate Kid

Sweep The Leg!

Would You Rather Wednesday..

It's Wednesday and you know what that means! I give you questions with two possible answers, you have to pick one. You can't say "neither".. well, you can... but I will put a hex on you.. and you don't want that kind of monkey on your back.. so here goes...

WOULD YOU RATHER:

1. FIND OUT YOUR CHILD IS BEING BULLIED MERCILESSLY AT SCHOOL, OR FIND OUT HE IS THE BULLY HIMSELF?

2. GO BUNGEE JUMPING OR SKY-DIVING?

3.YOUR DAUGHTER IS IN LOVE. WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER BRING HOME PEDRO...

OR NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE?


4. HAVE A RAGING COLD OR THE STOMACH FLU?

AND NOW, FOR YOU GROSS OUT PLEASURE...WOULD YOU RATHER MAKE A SEX TAPE WITH MINI ME?

(yes, he actually does have one... don't look it up... it's not good..)

OR FAT BASTARD?

MMMM...MMMM.... TASTY!

Why The Internet Is Dangerous For Me...

OK, so I am going to tell you something embarrassing. I know, you're shocked. Me, embarrass myself? But this is so humiliating... really.. you have to promise not to laugh. I am talking pinkie promises here, people.

All right.. here goes. (gulp.) A few years ago, I was having an issue. A health issue. A really humiliating one. You moms out there know what I am talking about... OK, maybe you don't and I just have to say it. FINE... urgh... maybe if I say it really fast, it won't be so bad....ihadhemmorhoids.... nope. Still embarrassing.

So, of course, I panicked. I was fairly certain that I was going to die a slow and painful death, all because of my hiney. At my funeral, people would walk up to my family and ask why such a young woman was struck down in the prime of her life. And my family would have to say "Her butt... her butt just couldn't handle it. It just gave out. We were all so shocked, but she warned us. She told us this would happen." And then they would all cry and give their donations to the S.H.A.T. Organization.(Sore Hinies Are Terminal.)-Thanks V!

Anyway, because I was sure I was dealing with a life threatening health issue, I decided to search the Web for possible solutions. Those of you who know me, know this is not a good idea. I started with your basic Web MD stuff. Reading the symptoms, I realized that yes, indeed, I had them. Now, what are the cures? Um, there aren't any. What?? OK, I start to panic slightly. Surgery is sometimes required. What?? So I start to look up the possible surgeries. Not pretty stuff. There are rubber bands involved...

I looked at photos...eww. Very gory. I started to breathe a little heavier. Oh my god... I am going to have to go to the doctor for this. I am going to have to show them my butt!! My heart is beating faster. I start reading about "thrombosis"... I type in "lethal hemorrhoids" and " Death from Hemorrhoids". Oh my god.. the room is starting to spin. I stare at a picture of some one's sphincter and hold on the sides of my laptop and try to catch my breath. What if it never goes away? What if I have this for the rest of my life? What if they get so big you can see them when I wear a bathing suit? What if........

Blackness.... I open my eyes...I'm still sitting but I am slumped in my chair, my face is resting on the keyboard. I have no idea where I am. Then, I look at the screen and someone's pink and shiny rectum is starting back at me. Oh yeah. Yes, I have actually managed to pass out while researching hemorrhoids on the Internet. I slam the computer shut and make a solemn promise to eat more fiber and never search medical conditions again.

Honest Scrap Award... for me??

The beautiful and amazing Dani over at Dani's Daily Drop gave me this award last week, and as usual, I am late posting it! Sorry, Dani! And by they way, you guys really need to go check her out. She rocks!

Anywho.. the rules for the award are as follows: you must take a picture of yourself in your underwear at the end of rainbow, riding a unicorn and post it on your blog. And then list 15 recipes that include the following ingredients: liver, grape jelly, and yams. Good luck.

Ok, actually you just have to list 10 honest things about yourself, in an effort for your readers to get to know you better. That's it! No handing over of your first born child! So here goes...

1. I am highly annoying. I laugh at my own jokes. Loudly. And they usually aren't funny.

2. I told my husband that I would forgo the baby fever if he would agree to three more pugs. I was holding Dexter on my hip and feeding him Cheerio's as I said this.

3. I wish the nineties would come back in style. I know it hasn't been that long.. but we've done the whole 80's thing a million times... when are doc martens and babydoll dresses gonna come back? I can still rock that look, right? RIGHT???

4. I am panicking trying to come up with ten things.

5. I want to volunteer at our local library, but the volunteer association is run by a bunch of really old ladies and I think I pissed them off when I said I couldn't work a Saturday flea market they scheduled. Now, I am getting the cold shoulder. The moth-ball smelling, wrinkly and sun-spotted cold shoulder.

6. My dream job would be working at a bookstore..but I don't like people. Or talking to them. Or touching their dirty money. Or getting dressed in the morning. So.. that dream is lying dormant for the moment. Instead, I will just stalk the bookstores in my pj bottoms, pretending they are the newest thing in fashion, and drink coffee. Can't I just get paid for that??

7. I don't do gardening. There is dirt involved. And bugs. And effort.

8. I'm sounding kinda bitchy, aren't I? What?! NO YOU DIDN'T just call me bitchy.

9. I am addicted to the show Rescue Me. I want to cry when the episodes are over because I want them to just keep going!!

10. I am not good at making lists of interesting things about myself.

So... there... that's it. I did it. Now, I am going to pass on this award to...(Drum roll please....) Alex over at Please Try Again
! Can't wait to hear more about her!

Funny Friday!!

My Funny Friday post this week is proof that making one little change can make someting Hi.Lar.I.OUs!

Just a theme song change, and totally different story emerges..

Disturbing Strokes - watch more funny videos

Just a couple beeps and Sesame Street takes on whole new meaning...

Unnecessary Censorship: Sesame Street - watch more funny videos

And it's funny when they re-edit it too! Snakes on a Plane, TV EDIT

Watch Snakes on Plane: TV Edit on CollegeHumor

play along! Link to something funny on your blog! (old or new) A joke, a video, a funny post...anything! Just make us laugh!