This Whole Baby Thing....

Some of you know that I have been a little confused lately.. yes, more than usual. I am starting to really want another baby. Am I nuts? We've got it good right now. Roslyn is very independent. We have a weekly date night with friends. She can spend the night at friend's houses and we can spend time together. She can do things on her own. I can drop her at dance and get an hour to myself. Hubby and I are finally starting to get our groove back. I am the first to admit that when Roslyn was born, I was all about her. But really, what mom isn't? How can you not put that tiny, helpless little baby on the top of your priority list? Especially when she screams like a banshee when she is held by anyone but you? How can you not fall into bed, dead tired and un-showered, and tell you husband "Not tonight, babe." It's natural right? And now we are finally getting alone time again.

So why do I want to do it all over again? Roslyn is turning into a little lady now. We can talk hairstyles and music and friends. We can have shopping days and movie dates together. We can discuss boys. Her and I are very close, and I want it to stay that way. I don't want to take time from her. Her little heart would break if we had another baby... I think. On other hand, wouldn't a little brother or sister be fun?

All the time I am thinking about having another baby, I ask myself, "How can you want to go back to sleepless nights? Do you remember how hard it was? Do you remember not showering for three days because she wouldn't let you put her down? Do you remember the worry? The fear? Do you remember vomiting through your entire pregnancy? How could you forget the hours and hours of labor and then the god awful c-section?"

Well, of course I remember those things. But I also remember the feel of a baby in my arms. That warm, cozy, snuggling little body against my chest. I remember the chubby cheeks and toothless grin that would erupt on her face whenever I peeked into her crib. I remember the fat little arms reaching for me. I remember the cute litte footie pj's and the feel and smell of her fuzzy little head against my cheek. I remember the feeling that I was her world and she was mine.

I miss those days. But will I miss my alone time with Roslyn and Craig if we ever decide to do it again? But in the long run, won't a little sacrifice be worth the outcome?