I have another cold, and once again, my dramatic side has kicked in. The following is a note to myself, reminding me to keep my cool.
1. It is not the Plague. It is a cold. You have the sniffles, a little cough. There are no festering boils or loss of limbs.
2. Do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, go to Webmd.com to check your symptoms. You do not have HIV. You do not have nasal cancer.If you can't help it and find yourself on the site,take the first response they give you, a common cold. Leave the site immediately before you start researching that small lump on you big toe.
3. Yes, it is humanly possible for a person to produce this much snot. You do not have a overactive mucus disorder.
4. Although it may make you feel better, moaning at the top of your lungs, does not help.
5. Repeatedtly saying, "How come nobody takes care of me when I'm sick? I take care of all of you!!", does not make people want to help you.
6. You can breathe.. out of your mouth.. if you would stop moaning non-stop you would realize that.
7. 98.9 is not a fever and does not require panic. You just drank coffee, dumb ass.
8. Stop eating everything in site. You can't taste it anyway.
9. If you are going to lie around and moan, do it in the bedroom. The couch in the living room is not your private sick bed. You can not yell at people to "shut up, can't you see I'm sick here? Let me die in peace!" The living room is common ground and people are allowed in there.
10.You will live. There is no reason to "get your affairs" in order.
hope you are feeeling better!!
ReplyDeleteLOL that was funny. Not that being sick is FUNNY, but you sure the hell are........
ReplyDeleteno, silly... that's just ridiculous. of course it's not the plague. it's rare contagious lung cancer and you caught it from me. through the internet.
ReplyDeleteyour post made me laugh... however, i will disagree with you on one point: moaning at the top of your lungs DOES help. so does yawning audibly.
hope you feel better soon!
That is hilarious..the list I mean, not the fact that you are sick! I do hope you get feeling better soon!
ReplyDeleteOh yes, NEVER web md or google symptoms!!!!
ReplyDeletebwahahaha....you sound sooooo sexy.
ReplyDeleteoh,and try my job...Im a health insurance underwriter...I look at medical conditions for a living. Guess how many of them I have self diagnosed myself with?
I'm chuckling over here because this morning I got up and had a slightly bloody nose and panicked! then I realized that I left the thermostat up too high last night to sleep...
ReplyDeleteI so enjoy reading your blog....lol
Awww I'm so sorry you feel bad...being sick sucks! Though it did make for a very funny post!
ReplyDeleteI am a very high maintenance sick person - you sound a LOT like me when I'm sick! I try to avoid it at all costs!!
ReplyDeleteFeel better soon - whining does help some!!
That sounds so miserable! Eat lots and lots of chocolate.
ReplyDeleteMy kids had fifths disease once and the Dr. specifically told me NOT to google it or look on WebMD.
ReplyDeletePoor, poor baby! I hope you feel better.
ReplyDeleteI hate when I get sick. Your right don't look up on the internet symptoms. I did that before and was convinced I had cancer! - lol. Hope you're feeling better soon.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Thank you for continuing to visit me while I'm without a computer. Unfortunately I won't be getting one until the end of this month. But have been continuing to come to the library. Hope you had a Happy Holiday Season.
OMG you have GOT to tell my wife #9...
ReplyDeletei am the EXACT same way. I really do moan and groan out loud and it's quite pathetic...lol!
ReplyDeletehope you feel better.
i am not around here as much, don't know what my deal is but i just don't have the will to do any posts lately. ah well- maybe it shall pass...
hysterical all of it. even you being sick. lol
ReplyDeletenot really, but i think it's funny that everybody throws in the disclaimer, like you would think they are actually laughing at your sickness.
i WISH i could convince my hubby to go to freaking bed instead of crashing in the recliner all the time. he gets sooo grouchy if i wake him up when he is in the living room! sheesh that's what bedrooms are for!
Feel better soon, Kel.
ReplyDeleteAnd I can relate...no one takes care of me either when I'm under the weather. The bastards.
I was hooked on WebMD for a while...it is tough to quite "researching" once you start! And No takes care of me when I'm sick either...the life of a mom I guess!
ReplyDeletewhat a funny post! I laughed in your hour of need! feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteJeez! Did you steal the out of my husband's "I'm sick" playbook? You sound just like him! HAHA!
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better! At least you are well enough to write hilarious posts!
Hope you're feeling better soon. Don't know if I offered my home remedies or not, but you may want to try one or two out…
ReplyDeletehttp://cajoh.blogspot.com/2008/11/home-remedies.html
Are you sure it's a cold? I mean, it's possible that you are getting pneumonia. And for the record--it will make you feel better to moan (and wail) at the top of your lungs. And it may even force some of the mucusy gunk out and save you a long course of antibiotics. Just trying to be helpful! Get Better Soon!
ReplyDeletewow, it's like you're in my head!!!! I really don't allow myself to go to WebMD anymore...I may be dying!
ReplyDeleteHope you get well soon!!
LOL, I liked the list. From rewatching an episode of Lost I think I might have a brain tumor, and I am seriously looking into getting it checked out. Jack asked Sawyer if he had phantom smells like burning and I HAVE THOSE all the time, so now due to Lost I am contacting my nuerologist...could explainmy daily headaches and migraines!You never know!!
ReplyDeleteLOL...even sick you crack me up! I hope you are feeling better soon.
ReplyDeleteBeing sick sucks.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with the moaning one..makes me feel LOTS better! LOL
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better soon, although NOT feeling better soon is still no reason to go googling your symptoms;-)
That was too funny! Sounds like myself when I am sick. The end of the world.
ReplyDeleteBTW-don't know what it is. It does the same thing to me I just click around it.
LOL--too funny. I hope you are feeling better.
ReplyDeleteI just recover from sick and I know how you feel. Hope you will recover soon.
ReplyDeletei do hope you get to feeling better but oh lord... webmd is soooo bad! lol! i'll go there sometimes and just get sooo paranoid!
ReplyDeleteHope you are feeling better and yes, stay far away from WebMD!
ReplyDeleteoh my god webmd is the devil.
ReplyDeleteI can't even comment except to say your killing me. My stomach muscles (which I forgot existed) are killing me from laughing so hard.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon. If not, we can call the funeral home to start making your "final" arrangements.
You haven't posted lately. I'm getting a little worried about you. You feeling any better? I'm needing some Kel chuckles.
ReplyDeleteoh that's hilarious. lol
ReplyDelete