So, for Funny Friday this week, I am going to tell you a little story that my girlfriends find freakin' hilarious. Which, of course, means that it involves me making a total ass of myself.
It all started with a cold. And you all know how dramatic I am when I am sick. I went to the doctor as a last resort, my throat was on fire. I had a throat infection. They gave me antibiotics and sent me home, saying "if you have any questions, just give us a call." (they know better now, thank you very much.)
The next morning, I wake up and my throat hurts so bad. I shine a flashlight in my mouth and see that the "little punching bag" thing is really swollen. Of course, I freak and call my best friend. I say, "I'm gonna call the doctor. What's that thing called anyway? I don't wanna say "punching bag"." She says she doesn't know. I then say, "Oh wait! I know! It's the VULVA! right?" And she says, "oh yeah.. I think you're right." We're both really, really smart.
This is the converstation I had with the nurse:
me: My vuvla is huge and bright red.
Nurse: um, sorry?
me: My vulva it's gigantic and it hurts.
Nurse: your Vulva?
Me: Yeah.. I can touch it with my tongue.. it's enormous. I don't know what's going on.
Nurse: Wait a minute (i think she might have put me on speaker) Your vuvla is huge and red and you can touch it with your tongue? I think you need to call your gynecologist.
Me: Why? is that a sign of something bad??? (I'm freaking out.. a sore throat means ovarian cancer or something?)
Nurse: Ok, hold on (laughing) are we talking about your genitals?
Me: (completely dumbfounded...) NO! (what a pervert) My throat!
Nurse : (cannot stop laughing..)oh! Your UVULA! I was begining to think you were some sort of contortionist!
The following is the definition of the word Vulva (I am sure most of you know it..)
*the external female genitalia, including the clitoris and the inner and outer labia surrounding the urethral and vaginal openings.*
And yes, I am posting this early...
Heehee. This totally made me laugh!
ReplyDeleteok, even when i say i am lol'ing, i usually am not. not that i don't find things funny, it's just that i can be very, very amused while sitting straight-faced. THIS, however, actually DID have me laughing OUT LOUD!!! i made noise and everything! not only is it a freakin' hilarious story, the way you wrote it was just perfect.
ReplyDeleteoh, and thanks for turning it into a little human growth and development lesson. did you think we would get all caught up in the definition and forget that you called your uvula a vulva??? not a chance, girly... not a chance.
ReplyDeleteHaha! We are totally laughing with you..not at you!
ReplyDeleteThat is absolutely the funniest story. It made me laugh, I can just imagine the nurse on the phone!!
ReplyDeleteomg...I used to work in a doctor's office and got crazy calls like this all the time (well ~ not quite THIS funny!). That is hilarious!
ReplyDeleteOh nooooooooo! LOL! The nurse probably told that story on HER blog, too!
ReplyDeleteGuess now you think using "the punching bag at the back of my throat" would not be so embarrassing after all. lol ;)
ReplyDeleteOH LORD!! I have laughed until I am crying! That is one of the best stories EVER~ Love your new blog too :)
ReplyDeleteLOL Totally honest mistake ;) hahaha ;)
ReplyDeletehahahaha! i would have died if I had answered that phone call. you know you are a story that is often repeated in that doctor's office.
ReplyDeleteOh Kel, that is funny. I'm thinking you should have just gone with Punching bag thingy instead... but then you wouldn't have had this gem of a story to tell us, and I like funny stories.
ReplyDeleteTears in my eyes as I am LMAO and trying NOT to wake everyone in the house! Love the way you write, girl! Too funny!
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOSH!! That made me laugh so hard!! I wish I could have been on the other end of the phone. That is classic.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant!
ReplyDeleteI my gosh, I haven't laughed this hard ALL day, thank you!!
ReplyDeleteOMG!!! What a funny story!
ReplyDeleteToo funny !!
ReplyDeletethat is utterly hysterical!! You've unintentionally made yourself a legend, that story is gonna float around for years..lol
ReplyDeletei stumbled on to your blog from Tootsie Time and boy what a good one to stumble on!! FUNNNNNY!
ReplyDeleteOh my word. This is just what I needed today!
ReplyDeleteOh my god that is a classic!! I'm sitting here laughing to myself! Oh, if I was that nurse I'd be so confused! That totally sounds like something i would do!
ReplyDeleteThat was the best story ever! Ever!
literally almost pissed myself... you said vulva and im all... where in the heck is THIS going?!?! lol
ReplyDeletehahahahahaha ok that is so freaking funny!!! I wish I had been in on that call!!! so funny!!!
ReplyDeleteDr. Mike is home today and we are both howling!!! He says that he has heard it a thousand times! Also, do you have the smiley mighty Jesus....that would be spinal meningitis! Or....fireballs of the ucarist....fibroids of the uterus! Or are you bowels running off....diarhea! Happy Friday!
ReplyDeleteHoly Shit...I seriously almost peed my pants! NO JOKE...that is by far, hands down, the funniest thing I've ever heard...I'm now officially following your blog.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work..You are hysterical!
That is flippin hilarious! I will be telling this story all day long to anyone who will listen!!! LOL!
ReplyDeleteAnd I love you even more for sharing it on your bloggy!!! ROTFL!
Poh-tato Pah-tato let's call the whole thing off. Either you did not know how to pronounce the word, or your uvula was so swollen it effected your speech.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to here the rest of the story.
Oh my god I am dying laughing and trying to contain it since I snuck online at work for a minute.....
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha! I'm gonna be laughing about this one my whole drive home!
Bahahahaha!
I can't stop laughing...
ReplyDeletethat was so freaking funny.
This one time I was sure I had a tumor right at the center of my rib cage (at the bottom, where it comes together)
I was trying to show the doc where the "lump" was and she took over, feeling around and said, "Sweetie, that's your aorta."
Don't mind me, I think my heart is a tumor. yeah, I left there feeling like a true winner. :)
ROFL!!!! That is hilarious :)
ReplyDeleteI'm still giggling here.
I'm a nurse, and you should definitely not feel bad. I've had a few people complain their "gonads" were swollen. When really they're talking about their lymph "nodes." :D
Ohhhh, that's hilarious!!!!! You know they are still spinning yarns about that phone call in the doctor's office, right? They must be. You made their day, I'm sure. Hee hee. :-)
ReplyDeleteThat is hilarious! How embarrassing...
ReplyDeleteOMG this is hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI'm crying!! That story is going to spread like something you would find in a vulva.
ReplyDelete(thanks for your sweet comment on Sassified!!!)
Em
This was so unbelievable funny that I actually did LOL (usually I just smile a little but this actually made me laugh). I bet that nurse has told this story 1,000,000 times! So funny! Thanks for sharing ... and please do not hesitate to share other stories of this nature in the future! Total embarassment = comic gold!
ReplyDeleteThis is HILARIOUS!!! I don't know if I could admit it, but you, I think you might be my new hero!
ReplyDelete~K
i'm gonna be honest and tell you that i was laughing AT you not with you. that was too good. and you just KNOW they were cracking up at your expense in the office. heck, that's probably a new code word for somebody who calls a lot. "we've got another vulva on the line" LOL
ReplyDeletelol... i am literally laughing out loud. thanks for sharing your embarassment =D
ReplyDeleteDay 2 of the Where’s Wenda? Contest is here. Today, I am visiting all of the SITStas that commented on Hot Chocolate Caramel Mocha. That means you! Thanks so much for stopping by and for being a great SISta! -Wenda
ReplyDeleteYour friends are right, this is a hilarious story!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. It reminds me of an similar thing that happend on the show Seinfeld one time.
ReplyDeleteI just started followin ya ... so I'll have some catching up to do, but I was reading this post at work, and literally cracked up laughing in my cubicle. People were looking at me funny and asking me questions. (don't worry, I didn't share it with the floor, I told them I'd come across something funny online and now I can't find it) but seriously, this is the funniest story I've heard in a long time! I loff it!!!
ReplyDeleteLMAO! She was wrong for laughing at you though....so unprofessional. Leave the laughing to us :)
ReplyDeleteOHMYGOD!!! I'm laughing soooooo hard! But I'm laughing with you....honest!
ReplyDeletehahahahahahahaha
ReplyDeletethat is totally something i would do!
I think I just peed my pants!
ReplyDeleteToo frickin funny;0)
I'm CRYING!! My husband just asked what I was laughing at. I showed him and now HE'S CRYING!
ReplyDeleteGreat story and thanks for sharing!!
Okay, so I just came over from "In My Mind it's Always Funny"'s blog and yes.. I'm a man. And yes... This was one of the funniest things I've read in a long time!!!
ReplyDeleteLike others that commented on here. Your post actually made me LAUGH OUT LOUD!
I actually called my wife out to have her read it too!
Thanks for the laugh! GREAT POST!
Bahahahah That is hilarious!
ReplyDeleteSo glad it was you and not me!
Yeah..."vulva"...who ever talks about their "vulva", right? Yet it is exactly the correct term for our "privates"...I wish we did use it. What are we supposed to call it?
ReplyDeleteThat's HILARIOUS!! Wouldn't it have been even more fun if it was your vulva?!?!?!
ReplyDeleteSOOO Funny!! I was laughing so hard my boyfriend had to come read!!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time commenting on your blog, I found you through your review on Girls with Books. I love your post about American Wife, I now have the book on hold at the library.
I love all your comment pictures!! Those are great!!
BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...*gasp for air* BWAAAAAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, man! love it!!!!!
Thanks for sharing that one!!!
I am crying and reading this at the same time... at least she caught on!!!
ReplyDeleteBest, funnies, LMAO post EVER! SO linking to this next Friday!
ReplyDeleteWas sent here to read from Mrs 444. LMAO too funny! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteOMG!!! I have had a really bad week and your post just made me laugh like a fool! THANK YOU!!!
ReplyDeleteI am new to your blog and will definitely return.
By the way, I am a nurse. And believe me, this is not the worst I have heard. We had a patient tell us once she suffered from "fireballs of the eucharist!" (aka fibroids of the uterus!)
OMG! To funny.
ReplyDeletei just laughed out loud. my kids are wondering what's wrong w/ me!
ReplyDeletethat made me laugh so hard that I almost peed my pants. I hope you don't mind me linking it on my blog.
ReplyDeletethis is too funny!!
ReplyDeletehahahaha this is the funniest story. You are one funny lady, thanks for making my day!
ReplyDeleteI know your friend...she is an idiot!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy uvula hurts from laughing so hard!
ReplyDeleteA friend sent me this way...I shall return...
HA HA HA HA HA HA! And you could touch it with your tongue! Love it.
ReplyDelete