A Tribute To A Friend..

I have been meaning to write this post for awhile now, but wasn't really ready to write it. I'm still a little emotional about the whole thing, but I'm ready to tell you all about a very special part of my life for many years. His name was Zack. He was our dog.

But to me, Zack was more than just a dog.He was my friend and a major part of our family. I know that some of you have pets and you understand. Some of you will find this post silly and overly emotional. To you, I say, bear with me and listen to what I have to say. You may just change your mind.

Zack was a white boxer. He was our first baby. He was neuorotic and goofy and air-headed. He was weird. He hated the Teletubbies with a passion. If he even heard their voices as we flicked through the channels, he would run to the tv and try to bite them. He was goofy. He once got a huge plastic ball stuck in his mouth and my neighbor had to use a hack saw to cut it in half to get it out. He was a tough looking dog, but such a baby. He would run around with my husband and hurt himself and keep playing. But if I walked outside, he would stop playing and limp over, giving me his paw as if saying "I got a boo-boo." He was so damn lovable. We lived on a farm for four years and the cows adopted him as an honorary calf. We would come home from work and he would be in the cow pen, just chilling with the ladies. They would lick his face and moo at him. Every single time I bent down to hand him his food bowl, he would lick my cheek as if saying thanks. When we moved to our first apartment, we found a local vet that would board him for us during the day. (Zack was not used to apartment living. We learned the hard when he broke a window the first day.) They started with putting him in a crate, but by the end of the day, they just let him run around the office. There was a litter of kittens there, and he just played with them all day. He was the most gentle giant. He used to hike with me in the morning and he once caught a baby bunny under his foot. He stopped, looked at me, and let it go. I swear.

And he was my buddy. When I was pregnant and on bed rest, he would lay on the couch with me, his head on my huge belly. That baby would kick and roll, and he would stay right there. I think he loved Roslyn even before she was born. When she came home, he slept under her crib. When she developed colic issues and cried all the time, he licked his paws raw. As she grew into a little girl, he tolerated her riding on his back and dressing him up as a princess. But most of all, he tolerated the fact that we had another baby now. And even though we lost our temper with him, and ignored him way too much once the baby came, he loved us. Unconditionally. Any attention we gave him was enough.

His health deteriorated quickly. He started wetting the house. We gave him shots for diabetes, and he never once snapped at us or ran. He just simply came and took his medicine. The doctor told us there was nothing much we could do, but care for him as best we could. He said Zack was not in pain, but it would be a pain to care for him. I bought doggie diapers. He even put up with those. He had control of his bowels, but would leak urine. We knew the end was coming. I was still shocked when it did.

My husband woke me up at 5am. With tears in his eyes, he said "I think you may want to go sit with zack and say goodbye." Zack had thrown up blood during the night. He was losing more blood through his bowels. We were calling frantically to the vet. I sat in the basement with Zack for hours, with his head on my legs, petting his soft head. He would look at me, and give me a little kiss and close his eyes. Finally, the vet got back to us and we ran him in. We knew there was nothing they could do. His organs had failed. He was gone even before the needle entered his vein.

I had never seen my husband really cry until that point. Craig stood and stoked his beloved best friend's side as he ceased to breathe, murmuring, "He was such a good boy." I was inconsolable. The doctor left us alone. We hugged and cried, mourning the loss of the best dog we had ever known.

And even now, a year and half later, we still talk about Zack, as if he is still around. And though we have two new dogs, it will never be the same. I will never let myself love a dog as much as I loved Zack. I'm guarded now. And I know that Craig is too. I'm so thankful for the years that we did have with him. But eleven years went by too fast and I still miss him. I think I always will.

So, to those of you who think its silly to get attached to an animal like this..maybe you're right. It was silly to love a dog like a person. But he loved us no matter what we did, protected us and made us laugh. The least we could do was love him back.