It's not gonna happen. Hubby does not want another baby. At all. Ever. Now, don't get all upset at him for breaking my heart. He's not a jerk. He is just happy the way things are. He is very happy that we have time for each other now. He likes spending time with me. He wants to spend more time together. He thinks a baby will mean less time for us, and he's right. I get that. He also has no siblings. I have two brothers and I can't imagine being an only child. But it looks like Roslyn is going to be one.
One of my girlfriends told me to trick him. I would never, ever, do that. There will be no accidents. We are careful. Very careful. I could not trick him into creating a child that he does not want. I do not want to have a child from deception. Sure, I know he would get used to the idea and he would love the child. But this is his life too and it's his decision, too.
And part of me thinks he is right. We do have it good right now. Do I want a baby because I want to feel needed? If so, he is telling me that he needs me. Roslyn needs me. Do I want a baby because I am bored? I need to find something for me, just me. Maybe some classes? I don't know. But I do know that a baby is not in the picture for any time soon.
I may be thanking him years from now. I may say to him, "You were right. It wouldn't have been the right thing to do." But for right now, I just have to respect his decision, because I love him. He is the man I chose, for many reasons. His common sense being one of them. I am hoping my baby fever will pass. One of my best friends is pregnant, and maybe once I see her struggling with no sleep and a colicky baby I will feel better. Or, maybe not.
I think you both need to be ready. And I think tricking someone is a horrible, horrible idea. I think a lot of people think that if they have a baby, it will bring them closer together with their spouse, but often times, it does the exact opposite.
ReplyDeleteI hope it happens sometime for both of you!
I agree that tricking is awful! I know you wouldn't do that! I hope you guys come to a happy medium. Everything happens for a reason. If you're meant to have another baby then you will - no matter how careful you are.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to know for sure what is good for your future. Of course you would both love the baby if you had one but that doesn't always mean it is what is right for you, right?
ReplyDeleteI don't know like I said I have been waivering a bit lately too.
I think taking classes sounds like a good idea, maybe all you need is a new thing to give some of your time and attention to.
that's insightful of you to realize that it could be boredom or something else gnawing at you.
ReplyDeletei have a friend that was restless and wanted another baby despite her husband's objections. she got pregnant 5 years ago, and now she has another child and an ex-husband!
you look really young, kel.... there's time to change your mind or his.
Yeah, tricking is the wrong thing to do.
ReplyDeleteIt took my hubby 2+ years to want to even think about having another child. But he did, eventually.
He may just not be ready for it yet. And maybe you aren't either?
Kudos to you for communicating with your husband and coming to a consensus. As long as you both are okay with the decision, that's all that matters.
ReplyDeleteHow could anyone encourage tricking your hubby?! Not cool.
ReplyDeleteI think you should give yourself some time and see if it is being surrounded by baby mania, but if you still want a baby in a few months, then you should sit down again and talk about it again. I am 1 of 4 kids so an only child? What a concept!LOL!
He sounds like a good guy, buy make sure you are happy too.
The baby fever will pass. Once you see you exhausted friend you will be thanking you lucky stars that you are past that stage in life.
ReplyDeleteI think it's extremely important to have both partners agree. Tricking is not a good thing.
ReplyDeleteBaby fever...sometimes ya never get over it..besides there is always foster care..lol..
The itch to have a baby will pass.
ReplyDeleteAbout 2 years ago I wanted one so bad, it was all I thought about & talked about.
The husband was DEAD set on never doing it again.
Once I stopped talking about it & came to realize that it wasn't going to happen - and was OK with that he asked if I wanted to have another baby.
Out of the blue.
A year after I was ok with never having another.
Now that is all he talks about.
I do sense some ambivalance on your part too, so time can't hurt. Things change so you never know what next year or the next may bring for your hubs.
ReplyDeleteHowever, that being said, I have never truly lost my baby fever. It gets strong and then dies down some, but it never really goes away. I can't have anymore and maybe that's part of the want for me. But my hubby would not have another if we were the last two people to procreate on this earth. He is and always has been that dead set against starting over.
Good luck to you both, whatever you decide.
I must agree with those who commented before. Time will tell.
ReplyDeleteif this helps you, every few weeks I want another child. And I'm in my 40's
ReplyDeleteexcellent post Kel, and I totally agree with the others about the friend that suggested you trick the hubster. Not cool.
ReplyDeleteI think it's beautiful that he is so stoked about the extra time with you..that doesn't happen to a lot of wives and you're very lucky, as you already know :)
I have been on this baby bandwagon with you for quite some time now. My husband has been clear that he's happy with two, but he'd be okay with more if that's what I want. But with my job supporting us, I can't take a chance right now! Plus, like you, we're past the baby stage and kind of enjoying the freedom. Still, I wouldn't mind going back, since I'm all about the baby stage. Hopefully there's a peace that comes with finally deciding.
ReplyDeleteI know someone whose 3rd child is a trick -- I don't think much of her, and I know her husband wasn't too happy. You're smart to know better. ;)
I went through the same thing last year ... and my husband felt the exact same way. And of course it isn't something I would be deceiving on like you said. The main part of me just wants my son to have someone else when my husband and I are gone... but I know it isn't going to happen and I barely talk to my brothers as it is now (not out of anger ... just distance). But there are worse things than being an only child. But I so hear where you are coming from.
ReplyDeleteI agree on the whole not tricking thing. He may even change his mind after thinking it over for a bit. ;)
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post when compared to some the bitter stuff I see other women posting about their husbands and their preoccupation with me, me, me.
ReplyDeleteRespect!
I'm sorry he didn't feel the same as you, but I think you are an awesome wife for respecting his decision and seeing where he is coming from. I know he is lucky to have you!
ReplyDeleteoh i'm sorry. of course you wouldn't trick him. but i'm sorry for the loss of your dream.
ReplyDeletewell, are you ok with that? how do you feel about him not wanting more kids? will you resent him down the road?
ReplyDelete