Target Practice With My Foot

    I am the Queen of Procrastination.  I am the Empress of Postponement. I am the all powerful Master of Dilly-Dallying.  You need something done, you let me know.  I’ll get it done. By “get it done” I mean I will add it to my trusty to-do list and then promptly ignore it for 3 years.
    I don’t know why I’m this way, I just am. My therapist (yes, I see a therapist.. don’t you judge me) says that it’s a method of self destruction. I know, it sounds crazy serious, right? But basically what he is saying that I have expert aim at shooting myself in the foot.  When I really think about it, I guess he’s right. Now I have to just figure out why I'm loading the gun in the first place.
    I have good intentions. I really do. My never ending inventory of unreached goals is chock full of great ideas.  I want to volunteer at a the SPCA. I love animals. I hate to see them in pain. I would get such fulfillment out of helping them find happy homes.  So, what’s the deal? Why don’t I just do it? Well, duh... I’m too busy.  I am just so amazingly over scheduled that I just can’t manage a few hours a week to help care for these precious creatures. I couldn’t possibly miss an episode of Glee or a read a few less chapters a week in exchange for helping some sweet, lovable dog find a family!  I need my “me time”!
    Of course, you all know I want to go back to school. So what’s the deal there? Why don’t I just do it? I could squeeze in at least a class a semester. I could go online. Seriously, what would it take? A few hours a week? I could stay up later. I could wake up an hour earlier each day.  What’s my excuse this time? Money, of course! We never have enough. I’d rather spend the money on groceries or to pay the electric bill. You would think this could be solved with low rate student loans. Not the case. I hate debt. You see? I have an excuse for everything.
    I wish I knew why I was this way. I wish I knew why I feel the need to set myself up for disappointment. Maybe I am scared I will actually succeed at something. Maybe I fear the responsibilities that come along with success. Maybe I just don’t want to put forth the effort. It’s possible, of course, that I am just plain lazy. I hope that’s not the case, but it’s kind of hard to ignore the fact that all these goals are easily within my reach.  All I have to do is make a good grab for them. 

So why are my arms still lying motionless at my sides? 


     I know I'm not alone in this situation, I know there are others out there like me.  So tell me, what are you avoiding? Why are you putting it off? And most of all, what's it gonna take to make you actually go for it? 

    As for me, I am trying. I want to change this. I want to succeed at something. Anything. I need to have that "something" that I can point to  and say "Hey! I did that!" .  It's time to stop playing target practice with my feet and aim for something higher.