Target Practice With My Foot

    I am the Queen of Procrastination.  I am the Empress of Postponement. I am the all powerful Master of Dilly-Dallying.  You need something done, you let me know.  I’ll get it done. By “get it done” I mean I will add it to my trusty to-do list and then promptly ignore it for 3 years.
    I don’t know why I’m this way, I just am. My therapist (yes, I see a therapist.. don’t you judge me) says that it’s a method of self destruction. I know, it sounds crazy serious, right? But basically what he is saying that I have expert aim at shooting myself in the foot.  When I really think about it, I guess he’s right. Now I have to just figure out why I'm loading the gun in the first place.
    I have good intentions. I really do. My never ending inventory of unreached goals is chock full of great ideas.  I want to volunteer at a the SPCA. I love animals. I hate to see them in pain. I would get such fulfillment out of helping them find happy homes.  So, what’s the deal? Why don’t I just do it? Well, duh... I’m too busy.  I am just so amazingly over scheduled that I just can’t manage a few hours a week to help care for these precious creatures. I couldn’t possibly miss an episode of Glee or a read a few less chapters a week in exchange for helping some sweet, lovable dog find a family!  I need my “me time”!
    Of course, you all know I want to go back to school. So what’s the deal there? Why don’t I just do it? I could squeeze in at least a class a semester. I could go online. Seriously, what would it take? A few hours a week? I could stay up later. I could wake up an hour earlier each day.  What’s my excuse this time? Money, of course! We never have enough. I’d rather spend the money on groceries or to pay the electric bill. You would think this could be solved with low rate student loans. Not the case. I hate debt. You see? I have an excuse for everything.
    I wish I knew why I was this way. I wish I knew why I feel the need to set myself up for disappointment. Maybe I am scared I will actually succeed at something. Maybe I fear the responsibilities that come along with success. Maybe I just don’t want to put forth the effort. It’s possible, of course, that I am just plain lazy. I hope that’s not the case, but it’s kind of hard to ignore the fact that all these goals are easily within my reach.  All I have to do is make a good grab for them. 

So why are my arms still lying motionless at my sides? 


     I know I'm not alone in this situation, I know there are others out there like me.  So tell me, what are you avoiding? Why are you putting it off? And most of all, what's it gonna take to make you actually go for it? 

    As for me, I am trying. I want to change this. I want to succeed at something. Anything. I need to have that "something" that I can point to  and say "Hey! I did that!" .  It's time to stop playing target practice with my feet and aim for something higher.

Book Review : Dracula In Love

Dracula in Love by Karen Essex has been touted in many book reviews as “Twilight for grownups”. I can see a few similarities, I guess. Yes, there is a vampire. Yes, there is a love story. But that’s where the resemblance ended for me. Hang on to your Team Edward novelty baseball hats, because this ain’t your teenager’s vampire novel.
     This book is dark. It’s mysterious. It’s sensual. This is a real gothic novel, the way they are supposed to be written. You want to go wandering through mist filled, centuries old cemeteries in the dead of night? How does a visit to a Victorian “insane” asylum sound? Dracula in Love has it all, and then some.
     Karen Essex has taken the characters from Bram Stoker’s classic novel and given them quite an imaginative back story. In the original, Mina Murray is an innocent bystander in an act of revenge between the count and his lawyer, Jonathan Harker. But in Essex’s retelling of the tale, Mina may not be such a innocent victim. She is something else entirely, something she herself has tried to ignore her entire life .As a child, she learned to hide her strange abilities and talents in exchange for a calm, normal life. She dreamed of a beautiful wedding, a doting husband and house full of children. However, nightly visions, sometimes horrific and other times extremely erotic, have her confused and scared. Who is this creature she encounters in her dreams? She finds herself drawn to him in ways she has never experienced, or at least, in ways she cannot fully explain. Yet, he appears to posses knowledge of her every thought, her every desire. The two souls are somehow connected in a way mere mortals could never fully comprehend.
     I enjoyed this novel so much. Essex is an amazingly talented author, giving new life to these classic characters. She deftly intertwines the histories of Mina and the Count into the original story without missing a beat. The blending is flawless. In some instances, when an author attempts to retell a classic tale one of two things tend to happen. One, the older story becomes somewhat forgotten, it’s charm is lost when it’s replaced with a shinier new version. Two, the new version tends to feel, for lack of a better word, stolen. You find yourself wondering why the author even attempted to make these characters her own. They are someone else’s imaginings and they just don’t come to life in the hands of another writer. However, Dracula in Love did not leave me feeling as if Mina Murray was simply a borrowed character. I felt as if she blossomed beautifully under Essex’s care. I also do not feel as if Stoker’s original story is overshadowed by this new novel. I actually find myself tempted to read it again!
     Dracula in Love is a beautifully writtten and wildly addictive novel. I suggest it to anyone, whether you prefer your vampires sparkly and melodramatic or dark and wildly sensuous. But really, when you look at it that way , is there really a choice?

Stuff That Made Me Laugh This Week...

Some of you may find it surprising to learn that I have a very immature sense of humor. Yea, I know it's pretty shocking, considering all the seriously compelling  posts and articles that I usually grace this blog with. However, today is different. Today I will take a break from the serious and businesslike tone that I normally bestow upon you, my beloved internet companions. Today, I will simply pass along a few things that I found myself giggling about this week. I want you to start the weekend with laughter, dear readers. I want to make you happy. This is about you.

Ok, fine. You got me. I've got nothing to post about today and I like the funny.

This video reminds of every fight that I have ever had with my husband. Can you guess which character I identify with the most?


Pugs.. oh how I love you...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

 Swear Jar!

Swear Jar--Funniest Commercial Ever! - watch more funny videos

There ya go, my little foray into the silliness. I will now resume perusing the internet for quantum physics formulas and researching cures for athlete's foot and global warming. Either that, or I'll be watching sneezing panda videos and eating cheetos. Same difference.

Question of the Weak -A Conversation with your Future Self

So, once I again I will be posting a weekly question or writing prompt for anyone who wants to play along. You can post your response in the comments section or link your blog up with Mr. Linky (at the bottom of this post) and answer on your own blog.  Seriously though, you are gonna wanna do this.. all the cool kids are doing it. You wanna be cool don't you?

So today's little inspiration comes in the form of a letter or conversation. To yourself. In the future. Yea, it sounds a little crazy, but try it. Feel free to choose your own time frame, whether it be a week from now, or 50 years in the future. Hell, it can even be about tommorrow, I don't care. Just write something to yourself. It's a hell of a lot better than just muttering to yourself all day like a mad woman.. (..ahem.. not that I know anyone who does that...cough..)
So, here goes mine... in all it's grammatically incorrect glory..

Dear Self,
     So, it's been a year.. yep, a whole year. What have you accomplished? Did you check anything off that huge to-do list yet? Huh? Hey, don't get all nasty now, I have a right to ask. You've been putting this junk off for too long. Don't you try and distract me with some stupid youtube videos about double rainbows either (I've totally seen that one).. we are gonna get serious here. Stop fooling around and let's get down to business.
    Have you finished with that boring ass job yet? You keep saying you are gonna quit and move on to something more exciting, more fulfilling.You've been yapping forever about pursuing something in the writing field.  So, I'm assuming you are now actively pursuing your book reviews? You're writing every day, right? Filling up that journal with exciting adventurous stories that publishers will be beating down the door for?  What do you mean "not yet"? Seriously, if not now, then when? Get your butt in gear woman! If you are gonna go back to school and work on some type of new career then you need to get on it! You are almost (gulp) 34 years old!  It's time to stop saying, "When I grow up I want to be....".  And what about that idea of becoming a counselor for anxiety/panic sufferers like yourself? Did you forget? Or were you too scared to look into it?
    Speaking of anxiety/panic (yea, I'm going there, girlfriend...)... have you kept up with therapy? Are you still making excuses? Cancelling last minute until you are forced to go because your script has run out? You know you aren't going to get anywhere that way. You have to go regularly.. none of this non-commital crap. Bi-weekly sessions at least.  Let's get this ball rolling. I know sometimes it's tough to talk about your issues, but girl, you've got 'em. Lots of 'em.
   You know what else you've got lots of? At least right now? Ass... yep, you've got lots of extra unneeded ass and I hope that you've been working on getting rid of it.  Let's see, it's been a year.. so you should be  well into the maintanence phase of you weight loss, right? What do you mean "next question"? That doesn't sound good. Hey, put down those oreos! They're low fat and calorie free? They totally make them that way now? Oh, all right then.. just a few.. but you are going running after you're done right?  No, not to the fridge for some milk either. Gawd, you are such a smart ass. We totally need to work on that.
     So, dear self, I guess that's it for now.  I guess all I really want to know it.. are you happy? Really happy? If you are, great.. take what I've said with a grain of salt.  However, if you're still struggling and searching, then you know what to do.  You've got to make an effort if you want to change things.. life is short and it's passing you by right now.  Stop sitting around waiting for things to magically fall in your lap, because they won't (besides all those oreo crumbs).  A little effort right now could go a long way.

Love,
Yourself.
(and yes, that's more advice right there..)

So fellow bloggers..who's playing along?

The Return of The Housewife..

Oh, hi there! I'm back! Did you just roll your eyes? How dare you? Ok, fine. I guess I do deserve it. I've "come back" several times and not stuck with it. But this time I meant it! (seriously, again with the eye roll? Not cool.) So, what's gonna make this time different from the others? Um..well.. I don't really have a plan for success.. I'm just gonna cross my fingers and hope for the best.

In all honesty, I have really missed blogging and writing in general. I've definitely let that side of me fall dormant the past few months. My psyche has suffered for it! I mean where else can all these voices in my head find a better outlet than the Internet? I'm kidding. There are no voices. OK, maybe a few, but I haven't named them or anything so they don't really count.

What has everyone been up to? How's your summer been? Are you all laying in the sun, tanned and thin in your bikini's, doing nothing but eating fruit and flipping sides every 30 minutes? Are you out sailing, in cute little white outfits, drinking champagne and talking about fancy pants subjects like caviar and Ralph Lauren's fall fashion line? Or are you struggling not to cry every time you don your one-piece, old lady bathing suit? Are you suffering from a blazing hot sunburn after you used last years leftover sunscreen because you were too cheap to buy new? Are you whining about the heat and cursing your damn air conditioner that is slowly dying a slow and painful death? Yea.. me too.

But, I guess I can't complain. I've got it better than most. I work at home for now. (Although my job is slowly being fazed out.. and I am anxiously awaiting my last day of this boring crap! But I'll save that subject for another day..) Most afternoons are spent with my best friends and their kids. We hang at a friend's pool from noon to 3 or so. The kids play, we read trashy magazines and yap till our jaws are tired. Our children are as close as siblings and they get along great for the most part. On a calm day we have at least ten kids in the pool. We give them swimming lessons, a snack and some goggles and they are ready to go. I cannot even explain to you in words just how much I adore these children, every single one of them. I am insanely lucky to have such wonderful friends who are raising some amazing kids!

Other than the pool, Ros and I have been reading like crazy. Now that she is 8 (yes, 8! Can you believe it?) she is quite content to sit with a chapter book and a cold drink in the afternoon for an hour or more. I suppose I could use this time to clean the house, or prep dinner, but most afternoons, I sit and read myself. The housework isn't going anywhere, but my little girl will not be willing to snuggle with me on a weekday afternoon for much longer. So, I'm making the most of it while I can.

My evenings are spent working or cleaning up. Laundry is a never ending battle, and I am ill equipped with a washing machine on it's dying legs and a dryer that takes 3 cycles to dry the smallest load. I've been slowing working my way through the house, painting rooms white. Yea, it's weird, but I prefer white walls. We have a tiny, cottage style house and white makes it look clean and slightly bigger. Now, if I could only find a way to afford new carpets and furniture...

So, that's my summer so far. Tell me about yours. I know this is quite possibly the most boring post in the history of lame blog posts, but it's something. I've got to start somewhere!