.... is my blogging mojo back!
OK, fine... and an ipad. Oh, and some new pj's! And bookstore gift cards. But that's it. Oh wait.. maybe some jewelry? But seriously, I'd be happy with just some blog inspiration. (but hey, if you're heading to the mall, I could always use some new boots. A nice chunky heeled gray pair..but really, don't go out of your way. By the way, I'm a size 8 1/2. I hear Aldo has a good sale going on..) But, honestly, don't go to any trouble.
We've made some major changes around here lately, so I guess that makes good blog post material, right? Well, I don't know how interesting the changes are to anyone but us, but I'm gonna tell ya about them anyway. Unless of course, you'd rather I go on with my rambling Christmas wish list??
The biggest development in the past month or so has been with our daughter. We took her out of public school a few weeks ago. She is now attending an amazing, much smaller private christian school. We are over-the-moon happy with this decision. I have seen such a change in Roslyn in just a few short weeks. It's amazing. She is happy. She actually WANTS to go to school. This, from a kid who used to cry every morning before school. She loves gym class now, when before she was always "sick" on gym class day. (I think she was being teased, but she won't tell me.) Now, she can't wait until she's old enough to join the school basketball team. She actually asked for a basketball and football for Christmas. The course work is much, MUCH, harder but she is having a great time learning. The teachers have smaller classes so they are able to play learning games with the kids and explore subjects much more freely. My daughter now comes out of school with a huge grin on her face, when before she would just slump in the car and mumble that school was "boring". I'm not knocking public school at all, our public school teachers are awesome, but the environment just wasn't right for our kid. I didn't how wrong it was for her until we took her out.
As for me, I'm not working at home anymore. My job, I think, has finally fizzled out. And that's fine. I'm okay with being a stay at home mom. I've never really gotten to just focus on home, so I'm looking forward to getting the house in order and gettin' my housewifery on. Just call me June Cleaver. Actually, no. Don't. If you're gonna call me anything but Kel, let it be something like "Mistress of Awesomeness." June Cleaver was kinda boring.
Let's see...what else? Craig ran away and joined the circus. I bought a pet sheep and named it Lady Baabaaa. Wait a minute? You're still paying attention? OK, scratch those last two things. I was just checking to see if you were paying attention.
I'm sure there are some other things I should be informing you of, but well.. this is the longest I have wrote on here in a long time and if someone is actually still reading this blog. I'd better quit while I'm ahead.
Hopefully, I will be opening a big old box-of-inspiration next Saturday and will soon be blessing you all with some witty and fascinating blog posts.
Or, I'll just blabber on about nothing as usual. But maybe I'll be wearing some sweet new boots while I'm at it. (seriously, have you got the hint yet? I want some boots.)
I've missed you all!
Showing posts with label verbal diarrhea. Show all posts
Showing posts with label verbal diarrhea. Show all posts
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
I'm How Old???
I turned 33 years old on Wednesday. Yes, double threes! I just can't accept it. But, I've done the math, there is no changing it. You take a 50 year old woman and subtract 17 years and you get me. No matter how many times I try to take the year 2010 and deduct 1977 from it, I still end up with the same result. I am a 33 year old woman. Holy Sh*t.. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?
There is no denying it, I am in my thirties. My thirties!! That's, like, my parents age! Oh, wait a minute..not any more it isn't. That's how old they were when I was ten. And when I was ten, I thought 33 was ancient. Seriously though, aren't people in their thirties supposed to wear chinos and pastel colored polo shirts, drink sparkling water and discuss their 401k's? Aren't thirty three year old women supposed to spend their afternoons plucking gray hairs and chatting with their doctors about their fiber intake? Aren't thirty somethings supposed to be lame??
I don't feel lame. Heck, I don't even feel like a grown up yet. When's that whole part kick in? I mean, technically, I'm a full fledged grown up. I've got the paperwork to prove it. So, why is it that I still feel the need to hide the fact that I occasionally enjoy an alcoholic beverage from my mom? Why do I still find myself laughing uncontrollably at fart jokes? Why do I still prefer Lucky Charms for breakfast instead of Grape Nuts? How come I still can't quite figure out the exact amount of time to cook popcorn in the microwave without it catching fire? Why am I still planning things to do "when I grow up"?
I realize that 33 is not "OLD"... but, it's older than I feel. I still wonder what happened to my twenties! I should have paid more attention! Why didn't I spend more time learning how to properly fold a fitted sheet? Shouldn't I know how to use the barbecue grill by now? Why am I still petrified of the lawnmower? Thunderstorms still scare the bejesus out of me. And don't you dare ask me how to cook a turkey, because I still have to call my mom and ask her every time I try.
I don't know why, but being 33 bothers me. I don't like it. The other night we were at a restaurant with our friends. They told the waiter it was my birthday. He said "Hey! 21 again, huh?" The bastard. How dare he? That's the same joke people used to say to my mom when she was....well, when she was in her thirties. Everyone laughed to be polite to the overly friendly and uber-touchy douchebag waiter. Meanwhile, I was fuming. That son of a bitch. Is he saying I can't pass for 21 anymore? I can totally pass for 21, right? RIGHT? I mean, it was dark in there.. He totally could not see the 14 gray hairs I had been hiding amongst my curls. And I was relatively positive he could not get a good view of my granny panties considering I was trying really hard to keep my bunion affected feet under the table. Maybe he heard me moaning about my "aching back" as I attempted to reach down in my purse for some Gas-X. I mean, really, the guy was just way too presumptuous. I'm sure there are plenty of 21 year olds who fall asleep at the table because they only got one nap that day. It's not uncommon. Young and feisty ladies totally get tired too, ya know.
Urgh, who am I kidding? I guess it's time I faced the facts. I am a grown up. I'm officially well into adulthood. Actually, I am pretty sure I hit the whole "adulthood" milestone a while back. I just never noticed. Maybe that's what's different this birthday. I'm actually paying attention. Crap, I'm pretty sure that's another sign I'm getting older. Dang, there really is no denying it, huh? I'm gonna go drown my sorrows in ice cream. (and then some Pepto Bismol because I just can't handle dairy like I used to)
There is no denying it, I am in my thirties. My thirties!! That's, like, my parents age! Oh, wait a minute..not any more it isn't. That's how old they were when I was ten. And when I was ten, I thought 33 was ancient. Seriously though, aren't people in their thirties supposed to wear chinos and pastel colored polo shirts, drink sparkling water and discuss their 401k's? Aren't thirty three year old women supposed to spend their afternoons plucking gray hairs and chatting with their doctors about their fiber intake? Aren't thirty somethings supposed to be lame??
I don't feel lame. Heck, I don't even feel like a grown up yet. When's that whole part kick in? I mean, technically, I'm a full fledged grown up. I've got the paperwork to prove it. So, why is it that I still feel the need to hide the fact that I occasionally enjoy an alcoholic beverage from my mom? Why do I still find myself laughing uncontrollably at fart jokes? Why do I still prefer Lucky Charms for breakfast instead of Grape Nuts? How come I still can't quite figure out the exact amount of time to cook popcorn in the microwave without it catching fire? Why am I still planning things to do "when I grow up"?
I realize that 33 is not "OLD"... but, it's older than I feel. I still wonder what happened to my twenties! I should have paid more attention! Why didn't I spend more time learning how to properly fold a fitted sheet? Shouldn't I know how to use the barbecue grill by now? Why am I still petrified of the lawnmower? Thunderstorms still scare the bejesus out of me. And don't you dare ask me how to cook a turkey, because I still have to call my mom and ask her every time I try.
I don't know why, but being 33 bothers me. I don't like it. The other night we were at a restaurant with our friends. They told the waiter it was my birthday. He said "Hey! 21 again, huh?" The bastard. How dare he? That's the same joke people used to say to my mom when she was....well, when she was in her thirties. Everyone laughed to be polite to the overly friendly and uber-touchy douchebag waiter. Meanwhile, I was fuming. That son of a bitch. Is he saying I can't pass for 21 anymore? I can totally pass for 21, right? RIGHT? I mean, it was dark in there.. He totally could not see the 14 gray hairs I had been hiding amongst my curls. And I was relatively positive he could not get a good view of my granny panties considering I was trying really hard to keep my bunion affected feet under the table. Maybe he heard me moaning about my "aching back" as I attempted to reach down in my purse for some Gas-X. I mean, really, the guy was just way too presumptuous. I'm sure there are plenty of 21 year olds who fall asleep at the table because they only got one nap that day. It's not uncommon. Young and feisty ladies totally get tired too, ya know.
Urgh, who am I kidding? I guess it's time I faced the facts. I am a grown up. I'm officially well into adulthood. Actually, I am pretty sure I hit the whole "adulthood" milestone a while back. I just never noticed. Maybe that's what's different this birthday. I'm actually paying attention. Crap, I'm pretty sure that's another sign I'm getting older. Dang, there really is no denying it, huh? I'm gonna go drown my sorrows in ice cream. (and then some Pepto Bismol because I just can't handle dairy like I used to)
Monday, August 2, 2010
Mom of the Year
Mom of the Year. It’s a phrase we’ve all heard. Moms tend to throw around this expression. Usually, it’s a sarcastic comment. You feed your kids cereal for dinner and say “Well, I guess I won’t be getting the Mom of The Year award”. Your son shoves a marble up his nose and you're muttering to yourself on the way to the ER, “There goes Mom of the Year again”. I have yet to see anyone actually declare themselves the Genuine Mom of the Year. We moms are way too self critical to ever claim that distinction. There is always someone else out there doing better, accomplishing more and flat out making us all feel insignificant.
With that said though, I don’t think I am a bad mom. Not at all. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty dang good at it. My daughter is socially accepted, well fed, happy and an all around great kid. I am quite proud of the work I’ve done so far. However, there are many, many moments that I question my abilities. There have been several times when I have hung my head in shame because I have failed. Luckily for me, those big mistakes are few and far between. It’s the small blunders that are way too common in my life. And lucky for me, we can usually find the humor in them. I want to share with you some of those moments, when I knew I was out of the running for that Mom of the Year contest, but still found myself laughing.
*When Roslyn was about three years old, she used to go to work with me. Occasionally we would get stuck in traffic. I am not the most patient driver. I learned that I was raising a rather inpatient back seat driver when I heard Roslyn say, “What the heck is this? An idiot parade?”
*I used to babysit occasionally for a friend of mine. She had a daughter named Mikayla. Our girls were the same age, about 2 years old. Roslyn used to call her “Mack”. For months we thought that Roslyn had made up a cute nickname for her friend. It was so adorable! One day, I said something to that effect to Roslyn. She said “No! She’s Mack! Cause I want to MACK her”.. she then went up to Mikayla and smacked her in the face.
*Roslyn can recite this entire scene from the movie Tommy Boy...
*Roslyn was about 4 and half years old. She was playing at a local park. She and a few other girls were bouncing up and down on a suspension bridge thing. All the girls were singing songs like "I'm a Little Teapot" and "The Wheels on the Bus". There was a long moment of silence while the girls were trying to think of another song to sing. My child happily starts bouncing again and starts to sing at the top of her lungs, "THE FREAKS COME OUT AT NIGHT! THE FREAKS COME OUT AT NIIIIIGHT! FREAKS COME OUT AT NIGHT (the freaks come out!)" I could literally feel the heat of the other playground moms staring at me.
So, I will not be Mother of the Year this year or in any year to come. I'm doing a good job and so is my husband. But the fact is, we mess up. She hears things we don't want her to hear. She occasionally sees things she probably should not. She has her Momma's temper. I am not a perfect mother. I'm a work in progress, just like my daughter. We are extremely lucky that things are not worse. I mean really, she could have been singing "Superfreak". That would have just been scandalous.
With that said though, I don’t think I am a bad mom. Not at all. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty dang good at it. My daughter is socially accepted, well fed, happy and an all around great kid. I am quite proud of the work I’ve done so far. However, there are many, many moments that I question my abilities. There have been several times when I have hung my head in shame because I have failed. Luckily for me, those big mistakes are few and far between. It’s the small blunders that are way too common in my life. And lucky for me, we can usually find the humor in them. I want to share with you some of those moments, when I knew I was out of the running for that Mom of the Year contest, but still found myself laughing.
*When Roslyn was about three years old, she used to go to work with me. Occasionally we would get stuck in traffic. I am not the most patient driver. I learned that I was raising a rather inpatient back seat driver when I heard Roslyn say, “What the heck is this? An idiot parade?”
*I used to babysit occasionally for a friend of mine. She had a daughter named Mikayla. Our girls were the same age, about 2 years old. Roslyn used to call her “Mack”. For months we thought that Roslyn had made up a cute nickname for her friend. It was so adorable! One day, I said something to that effect to Roslyn. She said “No! She’s Mack! Cause I want to MACK her”.. she then went up to Mikayla and smacked her in the face.
*Roslyn can recite this entire scene from the movie Tommy Boy...
*Roslyn was about 4 and half years old. She was playing at a local park. She and a few other girls were bouncing up and down on a suspension bridge thing. All the girls were singing songs like "I'm a Little Teapot" and "The Wheels on the Bus". There was a long moment of silence while the girls were trying to think of another song to sing. My child happily starts bouncing again and starts to sing at the top of her lungs, "THE FREAKS COME OUT AT NIGHT! THE FREAKS COME OUT AT NIIIIIGHT! FREAKS COME OUT AT NIGHT (the freaks come out!)" I could literally feel the heat of the other playground moms staring at me.
So, I will not be Mother of the Year this year or in any year to come. I'm doing a good job and so is my husband. But the fact is, we mess up. She hears things we don't want her to hear. She occasionally sees things she probably should not. She has her Momma's temper. I am not a perfect mother. I'm a work in progress, just like my daughter. We are extremely lucky that things are not worse. I mean really, she could have been singing "Superfreak". That would have just been scandalous.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Target Practice With My Foot
I am the Queen of Procrastination. I am the Empress of Postponement. I am the all powerful Master of Dilly-Dallying. You need something done, you let me know. I’ll get it done. By “get it done” I mean I will add it to my trusty to-do list and then promptly ignore it for 3 years.
I don’t know why I’m this way, I just am. My therapist (yes, I see a therapist.. don’t you judge me) says that it’s a method of self destruction. I know, it sounds crazy serious, right? But basically what he is saying that I have expert aim at shooting myself in the foot. When I really think about it, I guess he’s right. Now I have to just figure out why I'm loading the gun in the first place.
I have good intentions. I really do. My never ending inventory of unreached goals is chock full of great ideas. I want to volunteer at a the SPCA. I love animals. I hate to see them in pain. I would get such fulfillment out of helping them find happy homes. So, what’s the deal? Why don’t I just do it? Well, duh... I’m too busy. I am just so amazingly over scheduled that I just can’t manage a few hours a week to help care for these precious creatures. I couldn’t possibly miss an episode of Glee or a read a few less chapters a week in exchange for helping some sweet, lovable dog find a family! I need my “me time”!
Of course, you all know I want to go back to school. So what’s the deal there? Why don’t I just do it? I could squeeze in at least a class a semester. I could go online. Seriously, what would it take? A few hours a week? I could stay up later. I could wake up an hour earlier each day. What’s my excuse this time? Money, of course! We never have enough. I’d rather spend the money on groceries or to pay the electric bill. You would think this could be solved with low rate student loans. Not the case. I hate debt. You see? I have an excuse for everything.
I wish I knew why I was this way. I wish I knew why I feel the need to set myself up for disappointment. Maybe I am scared I will actually succeed at something. Maybe I fear the responsibilities that come along with success. Maybe I just don’t want to put forth the effort. It’s possible, of course, that I am just plain lazy. I hope that’s not the case, but it’s kind of hard to ignore the fact that all these goals are easily within my reach. All I have to do is make a good grab for them.
So why are my arms still lying motionless at my sides?
I know I'm not alone in this situation, I know there are others out there like me. So tell me, what are you avoiding? Why are you putting it off? And most of all, what's it gonna take to make you actually go for it?
As for me, I am trying. I want to change this. I want to succeed at something. Anything. I need to have that "something" that I can point to and say "Hey! I did that!" . It's time to stop playing target practice with my feet and aim for something higher.
I don’t know why I’m this way, I just am. My therapist (yes, I see a therapist.. don’t you judge me) says that it’s a method of self destruction. I know, it sounds crazy serious, right? But basically what he is saying that I have expert aim at shooting myself in the foot. When I really think about it, I guess he’s right. Now I have to just figure out why I'm loading the gun in the first place.
I have good intentions. I really do. My never ending inventory of unreached goals is chock full of great ideas. I want to volunteer at a the SPCA. I love animals. I hate to see them in pain. I would get such fulfillment out of helping them find happy homes. So, what’s the deal? Why don’t I just do it? Well, duh... I’m too busy. I am just so amazingly over scheduled that I just can’t manage a few hours a week to help care for these precious creatures. I couldn’t possibly miss an episode of Glee or a read a few less chapters a week in exchange for helping some sweet, lovable dog find a family! I need my “me time”!
Of course, you all know I want to go back to school. So what’s the deal there? Why don’t I just do it? I could squeeze in at least a class a semester. I could go online. Seriously, what would it take? A few hours a week? I could stay up later. I could wake up an hour earlier each day. What’s my excuse this time? Money, of course! We never have enough. I’d rather spend the money on groceries or to pay the electric bill. You would think this could be solved with low rate student loans. Not the case. I hate debt. You see? I have an excuse for everything.
I wish I knew why I was this way. I wish I knew why I feel the need to set myself up for disappointment. Maybe I am scared I will actually succeed at something. Maybe I fear the responsibilities that come along with success. Maybe I just don’t want to put forth the effort. It’s possible, of course, that I am just plain lazy. I hope that’s not the case, but it’s kind of hard to ignore the fact that all these goals are easily within my reach. All I have to do is make a good grab for them.
So why are my arms still lying motionless at my sides?
I know I'm not alone in this situation, I know there are others out there like me. So tell me, what are you avoiding? Why are you putting it off? And most of all, what's it gonna take to make you actually go for it?
As for me, I am trying. I want to change this. I want to succeed at something. Anything. I need to have that "something" that I can point to and say "Hey! I did that!" . It's time to stop playing target practice with my feet and aim for something higher.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The Return of The Housewife..
Oh, hi there! I'm back! Did you just roll your eyes? How dare you? Ok, fine. I guess I do deserve it. I've "come back" several times and not stuck with it. But this time I meant it! (seriously, again with the eye roll? Not cool.) So, what's gonna make this time different from the others? Um..well.. I don't really have a plan for success.. I'm just gonna cross my fingers and hope for the best.
In all honesty, I have really missed blogging and writing in general. I've definitely let that side of me fall dormant the past few months. My psyche has suffered for it! I mean where else can all these voices in my head find a better outlet than the Internet? I'm kidding. There are no voices. OK, maybe a few, but I haven't named them or anything so they don't really count.
What has everyone been up to? How's your summer been? Are you all laying in the sun, tanned and thin in your bikini's, doing nothing but eating fruit and flipping sides every 30 minutes? Are you out sailing, in cute little white outfits, drinking champagne and talking about fancy pants subjects like caviar and Ralph Lauren's fall fashion line? Or are you struggling not to cry every time you don your one-piece, old lady bathing suit? Are you suffering from a blazing hot sunburn after you used last years leftover sunscreen because you were too cheap to buy new? Are you whining about the heat and cursing your damn air conditioner that is slowly dying a slow and painful death? Yea.. me too.
But, I guess I can't complain. I've got it better than most. I work at home for now. (Although my job is slowly being fazed out.. and I am anxiously awaiting my last day of this boring crap! But I'll save that subject for another day..) Most afternoons are spent with my best friends and their kids. We hang at a friend's pool from noon to 3 or so. The kids play, we read trashy magazines and yap till our jaws are tired. Our children are as close as siblings and they get along great for the most part. On a calm day we have at least ten kids in the pool. We give them swimming lessons, a snack and some goggles and they are ready to go. I cannot even explain to you in words just how much I adore these children, every single one of them. I am insanely lucky to have such wonderful friends who are raising some amazing kids!
Other than the pool, Ros and I have been reading like crazy. Now that she is 8 (yes, 8! Can you believe it?) she is quite content to sit with a chapter book and a cold drink in the afternoon for an hour or more. I suppose I could use this time to clean the house, or prep dinner, but most afternoons, I sit and read myself. The housework isn't going anywhere, but my little girl will not be willing to snuggle with me on a weekday afternoon for much longer. So, I'm making the most of it while I can.
My evenings are spent working or cleaning up. Laundry is a never ending battle, and I am ill equipped with a washing machine on it's dying legs and a dryer that takes 3 cycles to dry the smallest load. I've been slowing working my way through the house, painting rooms white. Yea, it's weird, but I prefer white walls. We have a tiny, cottage style house and white makes it look clean and slightly bigger. Now, if I could only find a way to afford new carpets and furniture...
So, that's my summer so far. Tell me about yours. I know this is quite possibly the most boring post in the history of lame blog posts, but it's something. I've got to start somewhere!
In all honesty, I have really missed blogging and writing in general. I've definitely let that side of me fall dormant the past few months. My psyche has suffered for it! I mean where else can all these voices in my head find a better outlet than the Internet? I'm kidding. There are no voices. OK, maybe a few, but I haven't named them or anything so they don't really count.
What has everyone been up to? How's your summer been? Are you all laying in the sun, tanned and thin in your bikini's, doing nothing but eating fruit and flipping sides every 30 minutes? Are you out sailing, in cute little white outfits, drinking champagne and talking about fancy pants subjects like caviar and Ralph Lauren's fall fashion line? Or are you struggling not to cry every time you don your one-piece, old lady bathing suit? Are you suffering from a blazing hot sunburn after you used last years leftover sunscreen because you were too cheap to buy new? Are you whining about the heat and cursing your damn air conditioner that is slowly dying a slow and painful death? Yea.. me too.
But, I guess I can't complain. I've got it better than most. I work at home for now. (Although my job is slowly being fazed out.. and I am anxiously awaiting my last day of this boring crap! But I'll save that subject for another day..) Most afternoons are spent with my best friends and their kids. We hang at a friend's pool from noon to 3 or so. The kids play, we read trashy magazines and yap till our jaws are tired. Our children are as close as siblings and they get along great for the most part. On a calm day we have at least ten kids in the pool. We give them swimming lessons, a snack and some goggles and they are ready to go. I cannot even explain to you in words just how much I adore these children, every single one of them. I am insanely lucky to have such wonderful friends who are raising some amazing kids!
Other than the pool, Ros and I have been reading like crazy. Now that she is 8 (yes, 8! Can you believe it?) she is quite content to sit with a chapter book and a cold drink in the afternoon for an hour or more. I suppose I could use this time to clean the house, or prep dinner, but most afternoons, I sit and read myself. The housework isn't going anywhere, but my little girl will not be willing to snuggle with me on a weekday afternoon for much longer. So, I'm making the most of it while I can.
My evenings are spent working or cleaning up. Laundry is a never ending battle, and I am ill equipped with a washing machine on it's dying legs and a dryer that takes 3 cycles to dry the smallest load. I've been slowing working my way through the house, painting rooms white. Yea, it's weird, but I prefer white walls. We have a tiny, cottage style house and white makes it look clean and slightly bigger. Now, if I could only find a way to afford new carpets and furniture...
So, that's my summer so far. Tell me about yours. I know this is quite possibly the most boring post in the history of lame blog posts, but it's something. I've got to start somewhere!
Monday, January 11, 2010
When You Wish Upon a ...Blog.
Remember when you were a kid and it was time to blow out those birthday candles? Those little wax sticks had so much magic in them, didn't they? I remember thinking that those 8 little flames really held the powers of the universe in them. If I could just blow them all out in one breath, anything was possible. A puppy? Sure thing kid, just blow! You want a unicorn to give you a ride to school everyday? Allrighty, give me a big 'ol huff and you'll be arriving at elementary school in a blaze of rainbows and fairy dust.
And lots of other things held that magic as well. The turkey wishbone was a prize, waiting on the windowsill to "dry out" until you and your brother could stand toe to toe, in a fight for supernatural powers. If you got the bigger piece, it was gonna be a snow days for the next month. Your brother would just waste his wish on something stupid, like Transformers or a new set of Spiderman Underoos. This was a fight for the ages, you had to win!
Of course, the biggest wish granter was the elusive shooting star. If you could look up in the night sky and find one those, you were golden. Shooting stars held that mystical celestial power. You could trade places with a movie star, see the future, or make that super cute boy that sat next to you in math class fall madly in love with you. The possibilities were endless.
As I've grown up that magic has lost some of it power. I no longer even attempt to blow all the birthday candles out. That old turkey bone? Ewww.. that's unsanitary. It's hitting the trash with the rest of the leftovers. But falling stars? They still seem a little mystical, don't they? I saw one last night as I was letting our dogs outside. I have to admit, I hesitated a moment. Then, I closed my eyes tight, took a deep breath and.....nothing. I couldn't think of a single thing. For a few seconds, I considered a bigger house. But nah, that comes with a bigger mortgage payment. Win the lottery? Meh.. that'd kind of be like cheating everyone else who plays, wouldn't it? That wouldn't feel right. Lose some weight? get healthier? Yeah, but I can do that on my own, don't really need to go wasting all the powers of the universe on that kind of nonsense.
I realized I no longer need to wish for my "knight in shining armor". I've got one of those. Sure, he's not decked out in metal armor and riding a white steed... but he is wearing a nice hoodie I bought him and riding a mountain bike and I like that better anyway. (I don't have anywhere to house a horse, and the laundry is difficult enough without adding a head to toe metal ensemble.) I'm not really interested in changing places with anyone anymore. Yeah, it might be kind of fun to wake up in the morning and find myself inside the body of Angelina Jolie. A little morning romp with Brad wouldn't be so bad. But that girl's got a lot of kids and a whole lot of image to live up to. I prefer my one precious little girl and nobody's standards to live up to, but my own.
It dawned on me that I know longer need all those enchantments. I am pretty happy where I am. I opened my eyes. The star was gone, along with my childhood idea of "the world would be perfect if I could just have....". The world is pretty darn perfect the way it is.
Sorry, Brad Pitt. I could have rocked your world.
And lots of other things held that magic as well. The turkey wishbone was a prize, waiting on the windowsill to "dry out" until you and your brother could stand toe to toe, in a fight for supernatural powers. If you got the bigger piece, it was gonna be a snow days for the next month. Your brother would just waste his wish on something stupid, like Transformers or a new set of Spiderman Underoos. This was a fight for the ages, you had to win!
Of course, the biggest wish granter was the elusive shooting star. If you could look up in the night sky and find one those, you were golden. Shooting stars held that mystical celestial power. You could trade places with a movie star, see the future, or make that super cute boy that sat next to you in math class fall madly in love with you. The possibilities were endless.
As I've grown up that magic has lost some of it power. I no longer even attempt to blow all the birthday candles out. That old turkey bone? Ewww.. that's unsanitary. It's hitting the trash with the rest of the leftovers. But falling stars? They still seem a little mystical, don't they? I saw one last night as I was letting our dogs outside. I have to admit, I hesitated a moment. Then, I closed my eyes tight, took a deep breath and.....nothing. I couldn't think of a single thing. For a few seconds, I considered a bigger house. But nah, that comes with a bigger mortgage payment. Win the lottery? Meh.. that'd kind of be like cheating everyone else who plays, wouldn't it? That wouldn't feel right. Lose some weight? get healthier? Yeah, but I can do that on my own, don't really need to go wasting all the powers of the universe on that kind of nonsense.
I realized I no longer need to wish for my "knight in shining armor". I've got one of those. Sure, he's not decked out in metal armor and riding a white steed... but he is wearing a nice hoodie I bought him and riding a mountain bike and I like that better anyway. (I don't have anywhere to house a horse, and the laundry is difficult enough without adding a head to toe metal ensemble.) I'm not really interested in changing places with anyone anymore. Yeah, it might be kind of fun to wake up in the morning and find myself inside the body of Angelina Jolie. A little morning romp with Brad wouldn't be so bad. But that girl's got a lot of kids and a whole lot of image to live up to. I prefer my one precious little girl and nobody's standards to live up to, but my own.
It dawned on me that I know longer need all those enchantments. I am pretty happy where I am. I opened my eyes. The star was gone, along with my childhood idea of "the world would be perfect if I could just have....". The world is pretty darn perfect the way it is.
Sorry, Brad Pitt. I could have rocked your world.
Monday, January 4, 2010
The Obligatory New Year's Post...
It has to be done. The New Year's Resolution Post. I tried to ignore the pull of the Internet, tempting me to reveal all my first of the year goals to strangers across the globe.. but I failed. (plus, I haven't blogged in ages, and it's an easy topic.)
I have to say, I hate New Years Resolutions. I have nothing against setting goals.. but could you pick a worse time? Could there be a more horrendous moment to try and start dieting than the dead of winter? It's freakin' freezing out, I want macaroni and cheese! And yep, I'm gonna start a marathon training program at 5am on a 8 degree morning, instead of staying under the mounds of blankets and sleeping for another two hours? I think not, Baby New Year. I think not.
I do however have some plans for this year.. and most of them can be done within the confines of my warm and comfy home.. pj's and all. It's all about convenience.
My biggest goal for the year is to be happy. Can I be more vague? But I mean it as simply as it sounds. I want to be happy. I want to let go of the past, stop worrying so much about the future, and just be happy right now. I tend to dwell on the past... wondering "what if?". But the past is done, and the future is yet to be, so I might as well live in the moment.
One of the things that make me happy is being creative. I've lost that side of myself lately. It's time to find my "inner Martha" again. I love to make jewelery, scrapbook, sew, cook...etc. But I haven't made time for it. I'm itching to get crafty again. And as you can tell, I haven't exactly been a dedicated blogger lately either. I used to spend hours writing stories or blogging, and that part of me lies dormant at the moment. I plan on easing that big bear out of hibernation in the coming months.
I'm trying to find pleasure in the simple things again. I'm not keeping up with the Jones's and to be honest, I find them quite uptight and boring anyway. I want my daughter to learn to live within her means, and be content with what she has. I want us to enjoy more family nights at home, playing games and watching movies. I would like to cut our "entertainment budget" and spend more time doing more meaningful things. We can wait until movies come out on video. We can make dinner together instead of eating out all the time. We can go for a walk outside instead of through the mall with coffees and full shopping bags in hand. We have enough stuff. I'm sick of stuff. I want peace of mind.
And sure, I've got the whole "healthier eating" thing on my list of goals... but I am thinking more about "natural" products than "fat free". I've been looking at our cabinets lately and I'm shocked at how much junk we eat. I'd like to move to more organic cooking and snacking. I think I was in denial about how many preservatives and artificial foods we eat. I am guilty of Splenda overload in my coffee and I have a big time issue with Coke Zero Vanilla. It's a problem. I've been having some health issues lately, and I can't help but wonder if it's all this junk in our food causing it.
I guess if I had to label 2010 (pronounced twenty ten), I'd call it "2010 - The Year of Being Content". I want to stop worrying about what people think.. and just be happy and grateful. I will dress for me, not concerned with other's opinions. (yes, that is a Super Mario Bros shirt I am wearing... do you have an issue with that?). I will finally start renovations and begin decorating this house the way we want it. Our house is small, and I hate it. But it's time I let go of the fact that everyone else has a bigger house, and just be happy that we have a roof over our heads. I will decorate it in the quirky style that my husband and I both love. I will find joy in good deals at yard sales and flea markets again. I will not feel the need to buy brand names because of the label, but I will buy things because I love them. I will declutter and release unwanted items from this house. I HATE clutter. And we will continue to give to charity, because there are people out there who would love to have the "burden" of clutter.
So, in closing, I've got big plans for 2010. But I won't call them resolutions, because I won't put that pressure on myself. This year I will be... well, just plain happy.
ps. oh yeah, and I will stop using "quotation marks" so much...
I have to say, I hate New Years Resolutions. I have nothing against setting goals.. but could you pick a worse time? Could there be a more horrendous moment to try and start dieting than the dead of winter? It's freakin' freezing out, I want macaroni and cheese! And yep, I'm gonna start a marathon training program at 5am on a 8 degree morning, instead of staying under the mounds of blankets and sleeping for another two hours? I think not, Baby New Year. I think not.
I do however have some plans for this year.. and most of them can be done within the confines of my warm and comfy home.. pj's and all. It's all about convenience.
My biggest goal for the year is to be happy. Can I be more vague? But I mean it as simply as it sounds. I want to be happy. I want to let go of the past, stop worrying so much about the future, and just be happy right now. I tend to dwell on the past... wondering "what if?". But the past is done, and the future is yet to be, so I might as well live in the moment.
One of the things that make me happy is being creative. I've lost that side of myself lately. It's time to find my "inner Martha" again. I love to make jewelery, scrapbook, sew, cook...etc. But I haven't made time for it. I'm itching to get crafty again. And as you can tell, I haven't exactly been a dedicated blogger lately either. I used to spend hours writing stories or blogging, and that part of me lies dormant at the moment. I plan on easing that big bear out of hibernation in the coming months.
I'm trying to find pleasure in the simple things again. I'm not keeping up with the Jones's and to be honest, I find them quite uptight and boring anyway. I want my daughter to learn to live within her means, and be content with what she has. I want us to enjoy more family nights at home, playing games and watching movies. I would like to cut our "entertainment budget" and spend more time doing more meaningful things. We can wait until movies come out on video. We can make dinner together instead of eating out all the time. We can go for a walk outside instead of through the mall with coffees and full shopping bags in hand. We have enough stuff. I'm sick of stuff. I want peace of mind.
And sure, I've got the whole "healthier eating" thing on my list of goals... but I am thinking more about "natural" products than "fat free". I've been looking at our cabinets lately and I'm shocked at how much junk we eat. I'd like to move to more organic cooking and snacking. I think I was in denial about how many preservatives and artificial foods we eat. I am guilty of Splenda overload in my coffee and I have a big time issue with Coke Zero Vanilla. It's a problem. I've been having some health issues lately, and I can't help but wonder if it's all this junk in our food causing it.
I guess if I had to label 2010 (pronounced twenty ten), I'd call it "2010 - The Year of Being Content". I want to stop worrying about what people think.. and just be happy and grateful. I will dress for me, not concerned with other's opinions. (yes, that is a Super Mario Bros shirt I am wearing... do you have an issue with that?). I will finally start renovations and begin decorating this house the way we want it. Our house is small, and I hate it. But it's time I let go of the fact that everyone else has a bigger house, and just be happy that we have a roof over our heads. I will decorate it in the quirky style that my husband and I both love. I will find joy in good deals at yard sales and flea markets again. I will not feel the need to buy brand names because of the label, but I will buy things because I love them. I will declutter and release unwanted items from this house. I HATE clutter. And we will continue to give to charity, because there are people out there who would love to have the "burden" of clutter.
So, in closing, I've got big plans for 2010. But I won't call them resolutions, because I won't put that pressure on myself. This year I will be... well, just plain happy.
ps. oh yeah, and I will stop using "quotation marks" so much...
Monday, December 7, 2009
A Letter to a Mechanical Hamster
Dear Zhu Zhu Pets,
Let me draw your attention to this little bit of news.
Zhu Zhu Pets Danger
What the hell were you thinking? How can you do this to me? Do you have any idea that carnage that will ensue in my house if there are no mechanical little rodents under our Christmas tree this year? Do you understand the fact that no other gift under that tree will satisfy my seven year old daughter this year?
Last week, I was breathing a sigh of relief. I had blanketed Ebay with bids on these little robot weasels. I was ecstatic when I finally won several bids, spending well over 120 bucks on this lab rat and his accessories...
Oh but wait, maybe lab rat isn't a good name for him, considering you didn't even properly test the damn things!! What the hell? Did you spend all your safety testing funds on advertising these little menaces during every single commercial break on every network? (really, I think CNN could have been spared the nuisance, don't you?) You made damn sure that you worked our kids into manic frenzy, ensuring them that all the "cool" kids would be finding your stupid hamsters under their tree Christmas morning. But you didn't make sure they were safe?
So tell me, you toy making geniuses, how am I supossed to explain this to my kid? Sorry hun, Santa didn't love you enough to give you that little rat you wanted so badly. Maybe if you could be just a tad bit better next year, you could be unwrapping a motorized cuddly cockroach, which is sure to be the next fad. Yeah, I know the kid down the street got this prized toy that you've been dying to have, but his parents must not have watched the news. You know those elves that lovingly make all the toys at Christmas? Yeah, those stupid bastards forgot to make sure that they weren't using toxic metals while creating them. Poor thing, wipe those tears off your cheeks and try and get over your heartache. Merry Christmas.
So, what do I do now with these expensive ass robotic pieces of crap? huh? Maybe next time you try and start a major toy craze you could make sure the toys are safe first? How about an asbestos stuffed bear next year? Hows about some glass baseball bats? Maybe some LSD crayons? Sounds like a marketing superstorm to me!
So, in closing I have one last thing to say.... ZHU ZHU SUCK!
Let me draw your attention to this little bit of news.
Zhu Zhu Pets Danger
What the hell were you thinking? How can you do this to me? Do you have any idea that carnage that will ensue in my house if there are no mechanical little rodents under our Christmas tree this year? Do you understand the fact that no other gift under that tree will satisfy my seven year old daughter this year?
Last week, I was breathing a sigh of relief. I had blanketed Ebay with bids on these little robot weasels. I was ecstatic when I finally won several bids, spending well over 120 bucks on this lab rat and his accessories...
Oh but wait, maybe lab rat isn't a good name for him, considering you didn't even properly test the damn things!! What the hell? Did you spend all your safety testing funds on advertising these little menaces during every single commercial break on every network? (really, I think CNN could have been spared the nuisance, don't you?) You made damn sure that you worked our kids into manic frenzy, ensuring them that all the "cool" kids would be finding your stupid hamsters under their tree Christmas morning. But you didn't make sure they were safe?
So tell me, you toy making geniuses, how am I supossed to explain this to my kid? Sorry hun, Santa didn't love you enough to give you that little rat you wanted so badly. Maybe if you could be just a tad bit better next year, you could be unwrapping a motorized cuddly cockroach, which is sure to be the next fad. Yeah, I know the kid down the street got this prized toy that you've been dying to have, but his parents must not have watched the news. You know those elves that lovingly make all the toys at Christmas? Yeah, those stupid bastards forgot to make sure that they weren't using toxic metals while creating them. Poor thing, wipe those tears off your cheeks and try and get over your heartache. Merry Christmas.
So, what do I do now with these expensive ass robotic pieces of crap? huh? Maybe next time you try and start a major toy craze you could make sure the toys are safe first? How about an asbestos stuffed bear next year? Hows about some glass baseball bats? Maybe some LSD crayons? Sounds like a marketing superstorm to me!
So, in closing I have one last thing to say.... ZHU ZHU SUCK!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I'm Here.. I'm Alive.. But, just barely.
I won't even give the usual excuses...I haven't been posting. I have neglected this blog for too long and it's time to get back to it. I don't think I even realized how much I needed this outlet.
So, let's get you up to speed on this exciting life of mine, shall we? It's been a busy summer. We spend lots of time with our friends, chillin' at the pool and gossiping (not about you, I swear.) It's great to have a group of friends that I can totally be myself with and not have to worry about judgement and cattiness. I adore my friends, life would be miserable without them.
We had a few dramatic weeks with Craig last month. It all began on Saturday morning, during a yard sale we were having with some friends. Craig had gotten up at 5am or so, and went to help set up. I went over around 7. Everything seemed fine. Then at 8am , he walks up to me and whispers in my ear, "Um, I've been peeing blood all night."
My reaction was, of course, anger. (what? that's not normal?) You see, this is an ongoing thing with Craig. He likes to pretend things are fine when they aren't. And it literally takes hours to get anything out of him when something is bothering him. We've have major fights over this. Why the hell hadn't he told me last night? Why did he come over and set up the yard sale? And then waited another hour to tell me after that? Ok, yeah, I was concerned.... but I was more mad. His excuse was, "I didn't want to worry you." And my response to that lovely sentiment was, "God dammit! Why can't you ever just do things the easy way?" Again, I was a shining example of the caring wife.
So, we left the yard sale (leaving our friends with our crap and a huge crowd of people). The Er was amazingly empty and we were in and out with a diagnosis of kidney stones within a few hours. That was just the beginning.
I had no idea just how painful kidney stones are! I mean, they took down my 240 pound husband and had him in the fetal position for days. They gave him Percocet and it didn't even touch the pain. (And yes, just so you know, my wife and motherly instincts did kick in and I took care of him. Not even one kick in the kidneys, thank you very much.) It turns out he had a 8x7mm stone! (that's pretty impressive in the kidney stone scene.) He had surgery last Tuesday and all is well now. (fingers crossed.) He had to strain his pee and keep the stones for analysis. And let me just say that nothing adds to the bathroom decor like a pee strainer and specimen jars filled with sediment.
Hmmm... what else? Not much actually. We helped some friends move, had a few date nights, my birthday, Ros made orange belt in Karate. That's it really. I have read tons of books and really need to get my butt in gear with the reviews.
There is one more month of summer of here, so I am sure my postings will be erratic for August but I plan on doing a blog challenge for September. (anyone do NABLOPOMO?)
So, I guess that's it for now.I will try and post more if I can ever get my kid off of ClubPenguin.com. I'll start back with Would You Rather Wednesdays next week. Hope you are all having a great summer!
So, let's get you up to speed on this exciting life of mine, shall we? It's been a busy summer. We spend lots of time with our friends, chillin' at the pool and gossiping (not about you, I swear.) It's great to have a group of friends that I can totally be myself with and not have to worry about judgement and cattiness. I adore my friends, life would be miserable without them.
We had a few dramatic weeks with Craig last month. It all began on Saturday morning, during a yard sale we were having with some friends. Craig had gotten up at 5am or so, and went to help set up. I went over around 7. Everything seemed fine. Then at 8am , he walks up to me and whispers in my ear, "Um, I've been peeing blood all night."
My reaction was, of course, anger. (what? that's not normal?) You see, this is an ongoing thing with Craig. He likes to pretend things are fine when they aren't. And it literally takes hours to get anything out of him when something is bothering him. We've have major fights over this. Why the hell hadn't he told me last night? Why did he come over and set up the yard sale? And then waited another hour to tell me after that? Ok, yeah, I was concerned.... but I was more mad. His excuse was, "I didn't want to worry you." And my response to that lovely sentiment was, "God dammit! Why can't you ever just do things the easy way?" Again, I was a shining example of the caring wife.
So, we left the yard sale (leaving our friends with our crap and a huge crowd of people). The Er was amazingly empty and we were in and out with a diagnosis of kidney stones within a few hours. That was just the beginning.
I had no idea just how painful kidney stones are! I mean, they took down my 240 pound husband and had him in the fetal position for days. They gave him Percocet and it didn't even touch the pain. (And yes, just so you know, my wife and motherly instincts did kick in and I took care of him. Not even one kick in the kidneys, thank you very much.) It turns out he had a 8x7mm stone! (that's pretty impressive in the kidney stone scene.) He had surgery last Tuesday and all is well now. (fingers crossed.) He had to strain his pee and keep the stones for analysis. And let me just say that nothing adds to the bathroom decor like a pee strainer and specimen jars filled with sediment.
Hmmm... what else? Not much actually. We helped some friends move, had a few date nights, my birthday, Ros made orange belt in Karate. That's it really. I have read tons of books and really need to get my butt in gear with the reviews.
There is one more month of summer of here, so I am sure my postings will be erratic for August but I plan on doing a blog challenge for September. (anyone do NABLOPOMO?)
So, I guess that's it for now.I will try and post more if I can ever get my kid off of ClubPenguin.com. I'll start back with Would You Rather Wednesdays next week. Hope you are all having a great summer!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Tuesday Rambings...
So, let's see.. what's going on with me? Um, nothing actually, but that's not very interesting, now, is it? So, I guess I've got to dip deep and come up with something fascinating. Or at least something that will keep you from skipping on to the next blog in your reader...
*I've been AWOL on my blog for awhile now. I wish I had a good reason for it. I've moved to an exclusive Caribbean island and having trouble finding a reliable internet connection? I've been having a wild affair with Gerard Butler and he just leaves me too exhausted to type? Nah, not really. The truth is, I've just been lying around with my girlfriends at the pool like a sloth on morphine.
*I've found a possible replacement for Edward Cullen in my heart. His name is Po and he's in the book Graceling.. have you read it?
*I'm back working. From home. Just simple, data-entry, easy-peasy stuff. I was "laid off" for awhile, and now I am just trying to be grateful for extra income and not complain about the mind-numbing boredom of it all. Thank God for Pandora Radio and Jimmy Fallon on DVR. (Oh, Jimmy, I love you.)
*We saw Transformers 2 for Date Night this week. It sucked. I was so dissapointed. My Whoppers were all soggy from my tears. (or, they would have been if I hadn't housed the whole box during the previews.)
*The summer weather is making me crave a good concert. Well, that and ice cream. And naps.
*I wish I could promise that I would be a better blogger, but really, I'm a summer slacker. Besides, who would lay sizzling in the sun, eating fudgescicles and screaming at the kids in the pool if I didn't, huh? Think of the kids, people.
So, that's it. That's all I've got. For more intersting Random-ness go to the UNMOM, for links to more dedicated bloggers. But don't leave me for good. They won't love you the way I do.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Honest Scrap Award... for me??
The beautiful and amazing Dani over at Dani's Daily Drop gave me this award last week, and as usual, I am late posting it! Sorry, Dani! And by they way, you guys really need to go check her out. She rocks!
Anywho.. the rules for the award are as follows: you must take a picture of yourself in your underwear at the end of rainbow, riding a unicorn and post it on your blog. And then list 15 recipes that include the following ingredients: liver, grape jelly, and yams. Good luck.
Ok, actually you just have to list 10 honest things about yourself, in an effort for your readers to get to know you better. That's it! No handing over of your first born child! So here goes...
1. I am highly annoying. I laugh at my own jokes. Loudly. And they usually aren't funny.
2. I told my husband that I would forgo the baby fever if he would agree to three more pugs. I was holding Dexter on my hip and feeding him Cheerio's as I said this.
3. I wish the nineties would come back in style. I know it hasn't been that long.. but we've done the whole 80's thing a million times... when are doc martens and babydoll dresses gonna come back? I can still rock that look, right? RIGHT???
4. I am panicking trying to come up with ten things.
5. I want to volunteer at our local library, but the volunteer association is run by a bunch of really old ladies and I think I pissed them off when I said I couldn't work a Saturday flea market they scheduled. Now, I am getting the cold shoulder. The moth-ball smelling, wrinkly and sun-spotted cold shoulder.
6. My dream job would be working at a bookstore..but I don't like people. Or talking to them. Or touching their dirty money. Or getting dressed in the morning. So.. that dream is lying dormant for the moment. Instead, I will just stalk the bookstores in my pj bottoms, pretending they are the newest thing in fashion, and drink coffee. Can't I just get paid for that??
7. I don't do gardening. There is dirt involved. And bugs. And effort.
8. I'm sounding kinda bitchy, aren't I? What?! NO YOU DIDN'T just call me bitchy.
9. I am addicted to the show Rescue Me. I want to cry when the episodes are over because I want them to just keep going!!
10. I am not good at making lists of interesting things about myself.
So... there... that's it. I did it. Now, I am going to pass on this award to...(Drum roll please....) Alex over at Please Try Again
! Can't wait to hear more about her!
Monday, March 30, 2009
If You're Nerdy and You Know It, Shout "Oy Vey!"
For years, I fought against my true nature. I have struggled with my inner demons. I have been in fierce combat with my true identity. I have smuggled my secrets and hid them under a super cool and awesomely fierce exterior. (I can hear you laughing and I do not appreciate it. Not one bit.) Ladies and Gentlemen, I am a nerd. Yes, you heard me. I know. I can hardly believe it myself.
But I have decided to embrace my inner dweeb. It's time for me to experience some self love..(no, not that kind of self love...although, now that you mention it... )OK wait, we're getting off topic here. I have compiled a list of my favorite Geeky attributes... why? Um, because I was grasping at straws for a blog topic, that's why.
1. I have an abiding love of geeky exclamations. I throw phrases like, "Geez Louise!" and "Oy Vey" like crazy. When I drop something, I have been known to yell, "Aw, Beans!" and "Son of a Biscuit." Again, I know. The coolness factor is through the roof, right?
2. My perfect date would include: a book store, a candy store, a stroll through the science museum and perfectly lovely Slurpee under the stars. Throw in some lame poop jokes and I am in love.
3. I watch PBS. Alot. I love Masterpiece Theater. I like to sit in a velvet upholstered chair and smoke my pipe while watching.
4. I still watch cartoons. I still love them. I watch them when my kid is in school. I have been known to rock some Yo Gabba Gabba when I am alone. Naked. (just making sure you're paying attention.)
5. I lay awake at night at try to rearrange words into other words...(sound familiar, Yaya?)
6. This comes in handy when I obsessively play Scrabble online.
7. I also lay awake at night thinking of "would you rather" questions. Those things just don't appear on their own, ya know. That kind of magic takes effort, people.
8. I have a girl crush on Tina Fey. OK, fine... not so much as a crush as I WANT TO BE HER. There, that didn't sound weird, right?
9. I read magazines about books. Did you even know they existed? Well, they do and I subscribe to them. I may be the only subscriber, but they do exist.
10. And my worst geeky trait is the fact that I've worried about being a geek. Truly, is there anything more pathetic than pretending to be something you're not. I am not "cool" , nor will I ever be. I will never blend in with the popular people. I will never be in the "in crowd". But that's cool with me. I kinda like the nerds better.
And now, it's your turn... are you a nerd and loving it? And if not, what the hell makes you so cool? Huh?
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I love him 'cause he's an idiot like me.
My hubs is just as goofy as I am. No one gets us, but each other.
So, on Satuday, Barrack Obama came through our area on his "Whistle Stop" tour. Hubby and I passed one of the sites while on the highway and started acting like our usual stupid selves. We started making up songs for Obama... for some reason, we found them hilarious...
"Here I am..Barrack you like a hurricane!"
"I want my baby Barrack, baby Barrack, baby Barrack... chili's Baby Barrack Ribs."
"I'm Bringin' Sexy Barrack.."
We then moved on to movies:
The Empire Strikes Barrack
Barrack to the Future
Barrack-Back Mountain
and of course:
Welcome Barrack Kotter.
We had so many, I can't even remember them all. Come on, you know you wanna join in with some of your own....
So, on Satuday, Barrack Obama came through our area on his "Whistle Stop" tour. Hubby and I passed one of the sites while on the highway and started acting like our usual stupid selves. We started making up songs for Obama... for some reason, we found them hilarious...
"Here I am..Barrack you like a hurricane!"
"I want my baby Barrack, baby Barrack, baby Barrack... chili's Baby Barrack Ribs."
"I'm Bringin' Sexy Barrack.."
We then moved on to movies:
The Empire Strikes Barrack
Barrack to the Future
Barrack-Back Mountain
and of course:
Welcome Barrack Kotter.
We had so many, I can't even remember them all. Come on, you know you wanna join in with some of your own....
Monday, January 12, 2009
Old Me VS. Current Me
So, last night, as I lay in bed, coughing my lungs out and my life was flashing before my eyes, (yes, I am still very dramatically sick with the sniffles.) I realized that it will be 14 years since I graduated High School (Holy Sh*t). At first I thought, "ah, I haven't changed that much.." and then it hit me. I am a totally different person now. Compleltey. My old self would totally hate my current self. Take the following examples:
THE OLD ME:
I never, and I mean, ever, left the house without full makeup. Ever. I spent a half hour at least doing my makeup, and then left with a purse full of products for touch up.
THE CURRENT ME:
I am lucky if I even get to wash my face, let alone put makeup on it. And if I do, I forget to use eye makeup remover and look like a raccoon (or slutty girl after the "walk of shame") for two days. My purse is no longer full of makeup, but Happy Meal toys and spit out bubblegum in tissues(thank you, Roslyn). There may be a chapstick somewhere....
THE OLD ME:
Took two showers a day... at least. One before school. One afterschool. Sometimes a bath at night. My hair was clean and shiny and bouncy.
THE CURRENT ME:
If I am lucky, one bath a day, where I try and hide and read a book. I forget to wash my hair. And if I do, it's with Shrek shampoo. And I wash with Dora the Explorer soap paint.
THE OLD ME:
I could stop a guy dead in his tracks with one look.
THE CURRENT ME:
I could literally kill a guy dead with one look at me.
THE OLD ME:
I listened to cool music, watched cool movies, and went to concerts.
THE CURRENT ME:
I sing along to Drake and Josh, get excited when there are new Spongebob episodes, and the last concert I went to was Sesame Street Live.
THE OLD ME:
I wore super cute outfits.
THE CURRENT ME:
I wear super not-cute outfits. Unless, of course, track pants and fleeces make a major statement on the runway this year.
THE OLD ME:
I would walk into a room and the boys would give me appreciative glances.
THE CURRENT ME:
I walk into a room and I still get appreciative glances from the boys but they are six years old, it's usually because I am carrying a tray of snacks.
THE OLD ME:
I had a smokin' hot bod.
THE CURRENT ME:
I've got more of a lukewarm blob.
THE OLD ME:
Was devastated if I had to stay home on a Friday night.
THE CURRENT ME:
is devastated if I have to go out on a Friday night.
THE OLD ME:
I could eat whatever I wanted.
THE CURRENT ME:
I still can, but I just have to do it in bigger pants.
So, I'm a little sad at the loss of old me. I miss old me. I want to get to know her again. Maybe she's on myspace?
THE OLD ME:
I never, and I mean, ever, left the house without full makeup. Ever. I spent a half hour at least doing my makeup, and then left with a purse full of products for touch up.
THE CURRENT ME:
I am lucky if I even get to wash my face, let alone put makeup on it. And if I do, I forget to use eye makeup remover and look like a raccoon (or slutty girl after the "walk of shame") for two days. My purse is no longer full of makeup, but Happy Meal toys and spit out bubblegum in tissues(thank you, Roslyn). There may be a chapstick somewhere....
THE OLD ME:
Took two showers a day... at least. One before school. One afterschool. Sometimes a bath at night. My hair was clean and shiny and bouncy.
THE CURRENT ME:
If I am lucky, one bath a day, where I try and hide and read a book. I forget to wash my hair. And if I do, it's with Shrek shampoo. And I wash with Dora the Explorer soap paint.
THE OLD ME:
I could stop a guy dead in his tracks with one look.
THE CURRENT ME:
I could literally kill a guy dead with one look at me.
THE OLD ME:
I listened to cool music, watched cool movies, and went to concerts.
THE CURRENT ME:
I sing along to Drake and Josh, get excited when there are new Spongebob episodes, and the last concert I went to was Sesame Street Live.
THE OLD ME:
I wore super cute outfits.
THE CURRENT ME:
I wear super not-cute outfits. Unless, of course, track pants and fleeces make a major statement on the runway this year.
THE OLD ME:
I would walk into a room and the boys would give me appreciative glances.
THE CURRENT ME:
I walk into a room and I still get appreciative glances from the boys but they are six years old, it's usually because I am carrying a tray of snacks.
THE OLD ME:
I had a smokin' hot bod.
THE CURRENT ME:
I've got more of a lukewarm blob.
THE OLD ME:
Was devastated if I had to stay home on a Friday night.
THE CURRENT ME:
is devastated if I have to go out on a Friday night.
THE OLD ME:
I could eat whatever I wanted.
THE CURRENT ME:
I still can, but I just have to do it in bigger pants.
So, I'm a little sad at the loss of old me. I miss old me. I want to get to know her again. Maybe she's on myspace?
Sunday, January 4, 2009
A Potpourri Post............
I've got a few thoughts brewing around in this head of mine and it's making a big stink.. so here goes.
My mom came home yesterday!! woo hoo! Thank you all for you kind words, thoughts and prayers. She is still really weak and out of breath, but at least she is at home. I'm going over today to clean her house and cook dinner for her and dad. She is arguing about it.. but she'll get over it.
For some stupid reason, I agreed to take my old job back. I know, I know.. all I ever did was bitch about it, but I'm back to it. We need the money. I'll be back to about 35 hours a week. It's all from home for now, eventually I may be back in the office, but not now. I am upset about it, because I really wanted this to be my time. I wanted to take some classes, read, volunteer at the library and just learn to be a housewife and stay at home mom. When I work at home, the housework suffers... big time. But, now that I have bitched, I will not bitch again.(at least about this subject) I need to count my blessing that I have a job, one that I can do at home while my daughter is in school, and a very sweet boss who was more than happy to take me back.
I am starting Flylady.net tomorrow. I have decided to do it. Their quick routines should help me get the house in some type of order and still be able to get my work done.
I am starting a new walking workout tomorrow. My goals are basically just to walk everyday during the week. That's my first goal. Once I do that for awhile, I will start adding more miles and stuff. I need exercise!
So, that's it for now.. I don't think this blog could get anymore boring lately!!
My mom came home yesterday!! woo hoo! Thank you all for you kind words, thoughts and prayers. She is still really weak and out of breath, but at least she is at home. I'm going over today to clean her house and cook dinner for her and dad. She is arguing about it.. but she'll get over it.
For some stupid reason, I agreed to take my old job back. I know, I know.. all I ever did was bitch about it, but I'm back to it. We need the money. I'll be back to about 35 hours a week. It's all from home for now, eventually I may be back in the office, but not now. I am upset about it, because I really wanted this to be my time. I wanted to take some classes, read, volunteer at the library and just learn to be a housewife and stay at home mom. When I work at home, the housework suffers... big time. But, now that I have bitched, I will not bitch again.(at least about this subject) I need to count my blessing that I have a job, one that I can do at home while my daughter is in school, and a very sweet boss who was more than happy to take me back.
I am starting Flylady.net tomorrow. I have decided to do it. Their quick routines should help me get the house in some type of order and still be able to get my work done.
I am starting a new walking workout tomorrow. My goals are basically just to walk everyday during the week. That's my first goal. Once I do that for awhile, I will start adding more miles and stuff. I need exercise!
So, that's it for now.. I don't think this blog could get anymore boring lately!!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
uh oh...
Holy crap, holy crap, HOLY CRAP.... Christmas is one month away! How the hell did that happen? Do you know what that means?? That means two paychecks until christmas... crappity crap. And unfortunatly, this friday's check is already spent paying the electric, phone, cable, and most defintitly groceries. Oh yeah, and a mortgage payment! Dang it. We are all kinds of broke.
I just don't feel "christmassy" this year. I am so not into it. Which sucks, because we have a six year old daughter. I will try. But to be honest, even she doesn't seem that worked up yet. Everyone of my girfriends say they are broke this year and just don't feel the christmas spririt like they usually do. What's going on? Is it really just the economy?
I'll tell ya one thing though. This year, Christmas is going to be about us. I usually worry about giving gifts to everyone I know. I plan out months in advance what I will get everyone and really overthink it. I hate to say it, but I am only buying for immediate family. My friends and I have decided to do a Pollyanna for the kids. I will probably get my friends something small.. or we may decide not to exchange at all. Roslyn's teacher is getting a scarf I am making her. I am setting a monetary limit for everyone I buy for, which won't be much. I am not going to go nuts baking cookies and handing out cookie baskets to anyone and everyone. But I will take an afternoon and make some cookies with my daughter and my mom. I will not stress that I don't have enough to feed an army. They are for us and Santa.
My hubby should get a nice christmas bonus. I am hoping we can use that to pay for Roslyn's christmas presents and get each other a little something. Craig has a bike on layaway (he's a mountain biker and now getting into road racing) which we might be able to pay off. Personally, I think that should be his gift from me, but I know I will feel bad if he doesn't have any "gifts under the tree".
For me this year, all I want is peace of mind. I want to take that bonus and pay off our bills or at least get current on those suckers. I don't want to be a month behind on the electric or the cable. On christmas day, I'd like to have a few gifts for everyone under the tree, but most of all I want to have a sense of peace that we are ok financially. That's all I want. I am quitting my job finally, the same job I was suppossed to quit when Roslyn was born 6 years ago and it makes me nervous. On paper, we can afford it, easily. But Craig and I blow through money like water. Santa, could you fill my stocking with some common sense this year??
I just don't feel "christmassy" this year. I am so not into it. Which sucks, because we have a six year old daughter. I will try. But to be honest, even she doesn't seem that worked up yet. Everyone of my girfriends say they are broke this year and just don't feel the christmas spririt like they usually do. What's going on? Is it really just the economy?
I'll tell ya one thing though. This year, Christmas is going to be about us. I usually worry about giving gifts to everyone I know. I plan out months in advance what I will get everyone and really overthink it. I hate to say it, but I am only buying for immediate family. My friends and I have decided to do a Pollyanna for the kids. I will probably get my friends something small.. or we may decide not to exchange at all. Roslyn's teacher is getting a scarf I am making her. I am setting a monetary limit for everyone I buy for, which won't be much. I am not going to go nuts baking cookies and handing out cookie baskets to anyone and everyone. But I will take an afternoon and make some cookies with my daughter and my mom. I will not stress that I don't have enough to feed an army. They are for us and Santa.
My hubby should get a nice christmas bonus. I am hoping we can use that to pay for Roslyn's christmas presents and get each other a little something. Craig has a bike on layaway (he's a mountain biker and now getting into road racing) which we might be able to pay off. Personally, I think that should be his gift from me, but I know I will feel bad if he doesn't have any "gifts under the tree".
For me this year, all I want is peace of mind. I want to take that bonus and pay off our bills or at least get current on those suckers. I don't want to be a month behind on the electric or the cable. On christmas day, I'd like to have a few gifts for everyone under the tree, but most of all I want to have a sense of peace that we are ok financially. That's all I want. I am quitting my job finally, the same job I was suppossed to quit when Roslyn was born 6 years ago and it makes me nervous. On paper, we can afford it, easily. But Craig and I blow through money like water. Santa, could you fill my stocking with some common sense this year??
Monday, November 24, 2008
Up and Running Again...
So, because today has been a weird, hectic day..I've only got the energy for a fragmented post... here goes.
I am so very proud of myself for fixing this computer. It wouldn't even load up this morning.. nothing.. zip. Just black screen. I had to recover the whole system..reformat the hard drive.. blah,blah.. but I did it! IN YOUR FACE, GEEK SQUAD!
I am very, very obsessed with Kings of Leon I am crazy for that band. Why can't I ever just like a band or artist and leave it at that? I think I have stalker tendencies. (now aren't you scared that I read your blog?). But fear not, my stalkings tend to lead towards music artists. Poor David Gray and Jason Mraz never saw it coming...
I am quitting my job.. woo hoo! No more working at home, doing mindless data entry, day in and day out. My ass will be leaving the couch.. which hopefully will lead to me writing amazing blog posts about my new fascinating life!Stay tuned!
I am not ready for Christmas, not even close. Usually if I am not done shopping by now, I at least have a definite list of what I am getting everyone. I have no idea what to get Roslyn this year. Since when is it hard to shop for a 6 year old girl? Since I had a girl who does not like dolls, jonas bros, or hannah montanah, that's when!
I'm making a peanut butter pie to take to my mom's for thanksgiving, and I am already drooling thinking about it.
Yeah, this is a boring post... blah, blah blah.. done.
I am so very proud of myself for fixing this computer. It wouldn't even load up this morning.. nothing.. zip. Just black screen. I had to recover the whole system..reformat the hard drive.. blah,blah.. but I did it! IN YOUR FACE, GEEK SQUAD!
I am very, very obsessed with Kings of Leon I am crazy for that band. Why can't I ever just like a band or artist and leave it at that? I think I have stalker tendencies. (now aren't you scared that I read your blog?). But fear not, my stalkings tend to lead towards music artists. Poor David Gray and Jason Mraz never saw it coming...
I am quitting my job.. woo hoo! No more working at home, doing mindless data entry, day in and day out. My ass will be leaving the couch.. which hopefully will lead to me writing amazing blog posts about my new fascinating life!Stay tuned!
I am not ready for Christmas, not even close. Usually if I am not done shopping by now, I at least have a definite list of what I am getting everyone. I have no idea what to get Roslyn this year. Since when is it hard to shop for a 6 year old girl? Since I had a girl who does not like dolls, jonas bros, or hannah montanah, that's when!
I'm making a peanut butter pie to take to my mom's for thanksgiving, and I am already drooling thinking about it.
Yeah, this is a boring post... blah, blah blah.. done.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Whatever Happened to Good 'Ol Anarchy and Angst?
I just heard a Vampire Weekend song on PBS kids. I don't know why, but that made me all kinds of angry. What ever happened to "f the establishment?" and not selling out? What's next, hmm? Korn on a Green Giant Commercial? White Stripes for Sherman Williams? Is Metallica gonna make a song for Nick Jr? Yeah, I know.. Vampire weekend is not heavy rock..but still. It's the principle here people! Rock musicians used to be hard core, man! Do you think Kurt Cobain would endorse Noggin? I think not, sir, I think not!
I know what you're thinking... what was I doing watching PBS Kids at 1:30 in the afternoon when my daughter is in school all day? well, um... that's just how I roll.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
This is gonna be tough for me...
oh boy.. I did something dumb today. I signed up for weight watchers. Crap. Now, I gotta commit. Because that crap is expensive..and I don't like to waste money. I've got lose weight, I'm just gross right now. 30 pounds would be mindblowing. Another 10 would totally rock the house. I want to say more than that.. but it's not smart for me to do that.
You see, here is my problem though. I don't love being a tub-a-lard.. but I am kind of scared to lose weight. I used to be way underweight. The counselors in school used to "chat" with me about my "eating disorder" alot. My parents were called, I'd tell my mom I was eating and I was fine. Then, I would pass out in class again, and it would start all over. I would go all day without eating. Then in the evening I would go out with my boyfriend and then, when he dropped me off at night, I would hit the bathroom and puke it all up.I don't think he had any clue.. we were together for 3 years and he never questioned why I went to the bathroom as soon as we were done eating. I am about 5'10 and there was a point where I was about 100 pounds. I liked that number, for some reason. I never really told anyone about it. I didn't really think I had an eating disorder, but I guess I did. I know I did, actually. By the time I met Craig, my hubby, I was about 115 or so and I hated it. But he made me feel great. He made me happy and I stopped purging. We went to dinner and movies and parties and I was too distracted to care. I didn't binge at night anymore and get sick for an hour. We got fat together, Hubby and I. Fat and Happy. Now, I'm fat and not so happy. Kinda miserable, actually.
So, I am trying weightwatchers online and I am a little nervous. I am couting points, and I get 35 per day. plus 30 or so extra for splurges. Well, guess how many points I used today? freaking 44... dammit. Hubby wanted to go to breakfast, and then we got coffees at starbucks and then there were some cupcakes left from the Halloween party... blah, blah, blah. And now, I am tempted to do something about those extra points I ate.I haven't made myself sick in years and it's gross. But I'm tempted. I hate myself for even thinking it. But it's in the back of my mind. I am fine when I don't think about food, just eat it. Don't look at calories and don't get on the scale. But when I have to think about it, I get obssessed. That's probably the whole reason I let myself get this way.. It's better to not think about it.
So, here I go. This is gonna be an adventure, to say the least. But I think if I am honest with myself and the people around me, I will be ok. I've got to try.
You see, here is my problem though. I don't love being a tub-a-lard.. but I am kind of scared to lose weight. I used to be way underweight. The counselors in school used to "chat" with me about my "eating disorder" alot. My parents were called, I'd tell my mom I was eating and I was fine. Then, I would pass out in class again, and it would start all over. I would go all day without eating. Then in the evening I would go out with my boyfriend and then, when he dropped me off at night, I would hit the bathroom and puke it all up.I don't think he had any clue.. we were together for 3 years and he never questioned why I went to the bathroom as soon as we were done eating. I am about 5'10 and there was a point where I was about 100 pounds. I liked that number, for some reason. I never really told anyone about it. I didn't really think I had an eating disorder, but I guess I did. I know I did, actually. By the time I met Craig, my hubby, I was about 115 or so and I hated it. But he made me feel great. He made me happy and I stopped purging. We went to dinner and movies and parties and I was too distracted to care. I didn't binge at night anymore and get sick for an hour. We got fat together, Hubby and I. Fat and Happy. Now, I'm fat and not so happy. Kinda miserable, actually.
So, I am trying weightwatchers online and I am a little nervous. I am couting points, and I get 35 per day. plus 30 or so extra for splurges. Well, guess how many points I used today? freaking 44... dammit. Hubby wanted to go to breakfast, and then we got coffees at starbucks and then there were some cupcakes left from the Halloween party... blah, blah, blah. And now, I am tempted to do something about those extra points I ate.I haven't made myself sick in years and it's gross. But I'm tempted. I hate myself for even thinking it. But it's in the back of my mind. I am fine when I don't think about food, just eat it. Don't look at calories and don't get on the scale. But when I have to think about it, I get obssessed. That's probably the whole reason I let myself get this way.. It's better to not think about it.
So, here I go. This is gonna be an adventure, to say the least. But I think if I am honest with myself and the people around me, I will be ok. I've got to try.
Monday, October 27, 2008
The Ballad of Teddy Rippedskin
THIS IS DEXTER(AKA LITTLE MAN)
THIS IS DEXTER AND HIS VERY LOVED AND VERY TATTERED TEDDY BEAR.
THIS IS DEXTER AND HIS VERY LOVED AND VERY TATTERED TEDDY BEAR.
For some reason, my daughter and I find it hilarious to make up song's about Dexter's teddy. After long deliberations, we have decided that he is young boy recently moved here from England. His name is Teddy Rippedskin (distant cousin to TeddY Ruxpin) He speaks in a very high pitched voice and has a fierce Cockney accent. He's a happy little guy, but is tormented and tortured every day by Dexter. Ros and I hold him and sing his songs while Dexter jumps and barks and trys to rip him to shreds. Here are just a few of the very silly, but very dark songs we sing... all must be sung in high pitched voice, in a london accent, to the tune of "hello, my name is Simon and I like to do drawings..(saturday night live..)"
HELLO, I'M TEDDY RIPPEDSKIN
AND BOY! ME BOOTS ARE SHINY..
WHEN DEXTER CHEWS ME LEG,
I ALWAYS SCREAM "OH, BLIMEY!"
HELLO, I'M TEDDY RIPPEDSKIN
I'M JUST A WEE YOUNG CHAP
BUT WHEN DEXTER COMES FOR ME,
I RUN AND CRY "OH CRAP!"
HELLO, I'M TEDDY RIPPEDSKIN
I LOVE TO WATCH THE TELLY
BUT I CAN'T WATCH IT ANYMORE
CAUSE I'M STUCK HERE IN YOUR BELLY.
HELLO, I'M TEDDY RIPPEDSKIN
AND I SING "LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!"
BUT I WONT LIVE TOO LONG,
BECAUSE YOUR DOG JUST ATE ME SPLEEN.
For some reason, Roslyn and I find these songs hilarious and laugh until our sides hurt. They just go on and on and get sillier and sillier. There is also lots of "oh no, not me eye.." and such. I love that she inherited our goofy sense of humor, even though not everyone gets it. She got a gift for rhyming and she does an awesome english accent. I'm so proud.
AND NOW, HERE IS A PICTURE OF JUST HOW IMPRESSED DEXTER IS WITH OUR LYRICAL STYLINGS.
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