Our Last Magical Christmas?

So, I'm back. I could go into a long rambling post about what I've been doing and where I've been. Or I could just skip past all that and pretend it never happened. And well, I'm an avoider at heart, so I'm just gonna go with door number two, Monty. (yep, that was a Let's Make a Deal reference. I'm nothing if not contemporary.)

We are in the midst of preparing for quite possibly our last magical Christmas. Roslyn is in second grade now and there are rumors circulating amongst the 7 year old set that Santa does not exist. Crazy, right? Roslyn is teetering on the edge of still believing in the man in the red suit and about to fall into the abyss of heresy. (the parents?? how can they do all that in ONE night?). I am utterly heartbroken. At the moment, she is still trying to blindly accept that Santa delivers gifts to every child in the world in one wonderful 24 hour period. I can also see her waging her bets on the idea that it could quite possibly just be mom and dad. I have noticed quite a few chores being done without asking in the past week. She also asked me if she should make me a copy of her letter to Santa before she puts it in the mailbox. When I asked why, she said, "Oh, I don't know.. in case you wanna scrapbook it?".

The only thing we've got going for us right now, is that fact that Roslyn thinks we are dead broke. I've told her so many times that something is too expensive, that she just assumes we are on the cusp of poverty. Here is an example: she asked "Santa" for an ipod. When I asked what she wants from mom and dad, she said "Well, I know money is hard to get... so maybe a ball?" A BALL?? Really kid, I appreciate it, but we are not that hard up. Although, now that I think about it, maybe it's a good thing she thinks that way. If she knew we saved all year for Christmas, she may start making lists in February.

And before you all start lecturing me on the fact that the holiday is not about Santa, I know that. And I have definitely instilled the importance of giving into my sweet girl. We go shopping for Toys For Tots every year, we fill gift stockings and we give to the animal shelter. She knows that the holiday season is more than a fat man flying through the sky in a sled with a bag of gifts for brats across the globe. But, it is so fun when you child still believes, isn't it? I am going to miss the letters to Santa, the mall visits to sit on his lap and searching the night sky for Rudolph's red nose. Will it still feel like Christmas without decorating cookies for Christmas Eve and spreading little bits of carrot and apple across the front porch ?(those reindeer make a mess when they eat!). Is this the last year that I will get to tuck her in on the 24th and whisper that if she hears bells or hooves on the roof, to hurry up and fall asleep? Christmas will lose a little bit of it's magic, I'm afraid..

And now that I think about it, you know else will lose it's power? How am I going to "threaten to call Santa" when she's bad? I have a feeling that next year when I pretend to pull Santa's phone number out of my purse and dial frantically on my cell, she's gonna call my bluff. I think my Christmas just lost a little bit of it's magic, too.

Ps. Santa if you're really out there, could you throw a few Zhu Zhu pets under the tree??

Random Post Redux #4

It's a lazy weekend... so play along and recycle an older post from your blog. Great way to get a post in and introduce some newer readers to some of your older stuff...

FOR THE LOVE OF CHICKENS.

My daughter Roslyn has always loved animals. She also has a flair for the dramatic. One day when she was four and half years old we saw what happens when these two traits collide.

It was a rainy November afternoon. Ros was watching tv and enjoying some lunch, when a commercial about "cooking your Thanksgiving turkey" came on the screen. She giggled a little and said, "That's so funny that they call it turkey. People don't eat real turkeys."

I laughed too. "Of course they do! People eat animals all the time."

She shrugged a little. "Well, I'm glad we don't, mommy. We would never eat an animal."

I watch as she dips her CHICKEN nugget into some sauce and gobbles away. Crap. Do I tell her? I mean she's almost 5. It's time she knew the truth. I take a deep breath and say, "Um, honey. We do eat animals. You're eating chicken nuggets. They are made out of chickens."

She drops the nugget. Clunk. "What?" She stares at her plate. Her mouth is hanging open. Big tears are starting to form and I think, "Shit.. here we go." She jumps up and does the drama queen run to her bedroom. (you know the one.. arms flailing, legs stomping, but the nose is still way up in the air.) "How could you make me eat poor little chickens?!". She slams her door.

I consider for a moment going in there. But decide to let her have some time. Good thing, because a second later she opens the door. She gives me the death stare to end all death stares and marches past me to her toy boxes in the front room. She digs around like crazy, finds what she is looking for and marches back to her room, wailing in agony the whole time. This time she forgets to dramatically slam the door and leaves it open a little. I can see that the thing she had been searching for was her stuffed turkey. (I am seriously trying not laugh at this point. I mean, come on...) She then dives under her blankets with her stuffed turkey. I can hear her mumbling something in between sobs. I sneak a little closer.

"I'm so sorry that I have been eating you guys. I didn't know. She didn't tell me." Again, more wailing and then, " I know.. I think she's a mean lady, too."

Oh for the love of God. Again, I decide to let her ride it out a little. About ten minutes later she comes out of the bedroom. I am thinking it's over. She drops to the ground in front of our dogs. "I am sorry. I didn't want to eat your friends!" The dogs are wide eyed in terror. What's with this kid?

I laugh a little. "Honey, we don't eat dogs."

She buries her face in the dog's side. "Well, what do you think Hot Dogs are then, huh??" The wailing continues.

Finally I get her calmed down. I explain to her how some animals eat other animals. I tell her that if she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to. Some people are vegetarians. And at this point I am thinking she definitly will become one. I would be more than happy to support that.

"What do they eat?" she asked, her face so filled with hope.

"Well, they eat vegtables." I tell her.

Her face falls and her nose immediatly wrinkles up."But I don't like vegtables." she says.

She looks at me for a few seconds and then glances at the nuggets still sitting on her plate. I can almost hear the wheels in her little head spinning. Suddenly, as if someone has flicked a switch, she says. "Nah. I'm just gonna eat the chickens."
It's over.

And..... end scene.

Random Tuesday....If I had $10,000

It's Tuesday, and that means it's time to be random! Go visit the
Unmom to play along.

For my randomosity (yeah, I made that up.. so what?) today I've got a little theme going. (I know, kinda goes against the whole random thing.. but I'm a rebel, people. A rebel. You can't tame me.)

Random Things I Would Do If I Had $10,000, because I know the million is never gonna happen.

1. I would buy an English Bulldog and name him Kitten.

2. I would install built in bookshelves all along my front room. (and I still wouldn't have enough space.)

3. I would take my friends out to dinner at a real fancy joint like TGI FRIDAYS.(hey, it's only 10k! give me a break.)

4. I'd pay for my parent's health insurance for few years.

5. I'd buy the Hubs a nicer bike.

6. I'd take Ros to Build a Bear and tell her she can have whatever she wants.

7. I'd take myself on a shopping spree at Philosophy.com

8. I would take a creative writing class.

9. I'd install hardwood flooring in our living room.

10. I'd buy myself a shiny green Kitchen Aid mixer... which would then lead to me becoming a famous baker which would then lead to more thousands of dollars..

11. I'd buy my daughter the entire Magic Tree House library.

12. Can you buy liposuction with 10k? probably not with my ass... eh.. ok, I'd hire a personal trainer... but he has to be super hot and I would hate him.

13. I would go here and buy lots of super awesome stuff.

14. Then I would go here and buy even more spectacular awesome stuff for me and for my girlfriends.

15. I would anonymously give $200 grocery store gift cards to a few families that I know could really use it.

16. I would subscribe to every Cross Stitch, Scrapbooking, Crafting, Music and Literary Magazines that exist.

17. A new laptop... a pink one. One that magically writes amazingly inspired and grammatically correct blog posts.

18. I'd spend a day at Barnes and Noble, drinking as much coffee as I want, buying pretty bookmarks and reading for hours all the books I am too cheap to buy.

19. I'd take all my friend's kids to the zoo and let them buy anything they want in the souvenir shop.

20. I would buy an adorable wallet to keep all my receipts in.. because knowing me, I would return half of this stuff and just pay the electric bill.

Would You Rather Wednesday..

It's Wednesday! Time for your weekly game of Would You Rather! I give you a question with two possible answers. You must choose one. You have no other choice. If you say neither, you're computer will spontaneously combust. Seriously, I wouldn't try it if I were you.

So... here we go!

Would you rather....
go without sex or chocolate for one year?

Would you rather...
go without texting or facebook/twitter for one month?

Would you rather...
wear the same pair of underwear for one week? or not shave your armpits for a month?

And lastly...

Which of these super old dudes would you like to play "who's your daddy?" with....
Larry King

or Regis Philbin..



You're welcome for the visual....

The Six Principles of Embarrassing Your Kid...

So, the other week we were at an event for my daughter's karate school. All of the students were lined up on the grass, awaiting their turn to test in front of the judges. My husband and I had pulled up lawn chairs to the edge of the area, and as usual, got ourselves into a really silly mood. Just like the kids in the back of the class in high school, Craig and I like to sit on the outskirts of situations and make fun of those that are participating. (you see.. because we are way too cool to join in on anything...) So the instructor is talking to the kids and asking them questions.

He says something like..."ok, kids. What are the six symbols on our flag? Can you tell me what they mean?"

Silence. The kids just stare at him.

I whisper to Craig. "Do you know?"

He starts to tick words off on his fingers, with a completely straight face.
"Discipline, Strength, Kickin' Ass, Taking Names, Cigarettes and Cake."

I, of course, snort like a pig and burst into laughter. And then continue laughing until I choke and start hacking like a 70 year old smoker with emphysema. All of the children turn in my direction and wonder who's crazy ass mother I am. Roslyn, of course, did not even turn around. But I did see her sigh and shake her head.

Poor kid. It's only gonna get worse from here.