Would You Rather Wednesday..

It's Wednesday! Time for your weekly game of Would You Rather! I give you a question with two possible answers. You must choose one. You have no other choice. If you say neither, you're computer will spontaneously combust. Seriously, I wouldn't try it if I were you.

So... here we go!

Would you rather....
go without sex or chocolate for one year?

Would you rather...
go without texting or facebook/twitter for one month?

Would you rather...
wear the same pair of underwear for one week? or not shave your armpits for a month?

And lastly...

Which of these super old dudes would you like to play "who's your daddy?" with....
Larry King

or Regis Philbin..



You're welcome for the visual....

The Six Principles of Embarrassing Your Kid...

So, the other week we were at an event for my daughter's karate school. All of the students were lined up on the grass, awaiting their turn to test in front of the judges. My husband and I had pulled up lawn chairs to the edge of the area, and as usual, got ourselves into a really silly mood. Just like the kids in the back of the class in high school, Craig and I like to sit on the outskirts of situations and make fun of those that are participating. (you see.. because we are way too cool to join in on anything...) So the instructor is talking to the kids and asking them questions.

He says something like..."ok, kids. What are the six symbols on our flag? Can you tell me what they mean?"

Silence. The kids just stare at him.

I whisper to Craig. "Do you know?"

He starts to tick words off on his fingers, with a completely straight face.
"Discipline, Strength, Kickin' Ass, Taking Names, Cigarettes and Cake."

I, of course, snort like a pig and burst into laughter. And then continue laughing until I choke and start hacking like a 70 year old smoker with emphysema. All of the children turn in my direction and wonder who's crazy ass mother I am. Roslyn, of course, did not even turn around. But I did see her sigh and shake her head.

Poor kid. It's only gonna get worse from here.

Happiness is...

Happiness is...
having a great group of girlfriends, all incredibly different and unique, but alike in the qualities that really count: loyalty, respect, morals, the ability to consume mass quantities of alcohol, sing karaoke and talk for hours about nothing and everything at the same time.

Happiness is...
a great husband who puts up with your insane mood swings and your uncanny ability to constantly embarrass him in public.

Happiness is...
a great kid who is an odd mix of your weird sense of humor and your husband's sweet nature.

Happiness is...
watching someone you hate fall down a flight of stairs. (What? You really didn't think I was all that deep, did you?)

Happiness is...
being greeted by uncontrollably happy dogs when you walk in the door.

Happiness is...
a great hair day, a super cute outfit and some kick ass shoes.

Happiness is...
a big fat book, a snowy day, hot chocolate and a blanket to curl up in.

Happiness is...
introducing your kid to the magic that is "The Goonies".

Happiness is...
signing corny eighties songs with your husband in the car at the top of your lungs.

Happiness is...
looking at old pictures and not thinking about how incredibly thin you were, but remembering all the fun you had.

Happiness is...
introducing yourself to something new, something that you never even realized you needed in your life, but you did.

Happiness is...
knowing that you don't have much, but you have what you need.

Funny Friday -

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Oh hello there, man of my dreams!!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

And I cannot even count how many times my daughter has watched this video!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Link up here and share some laughs with us!

#33 This Is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper

Jonathan Tropper is known for his hilarious and clever novels, and he does not disappoint with his latest creation, This Is Where I Leave You.

Judd Foxman's life is a mess. He comes home early from work to find his beautiful wife, Jen, in bed with another man. And not just any man, but his boss. After moving out of his charming suburban home and into a shoddy basement apartment, he is informed of his father's death. Suprisingly, although he was never a religious man, his dad's dying wish was for his family to sit Shiva for one week, in his honor. Reluctantly, Judd heads to his mother's house.

Judd's family is a comedy lover's dream. Dysfunctional doesn't even begin to describe this clan. His mother is a world renowned parenting expert who can't even begin to understand her own children. His youngest brother, Philip, is a playboy who is constantly finding himself in one crisis or another. He comes to the family home with a guest that no one can quite figure out. Paul, his older brother, harbors a lot of resentment towards Judd. He and his wife are also struggling with fertility issues. His sister, Wendy, is his rock. But she is stuck is a loveless marriage and dealing with her own romantic disasters. Now all these siblings are forced to stay under the same roof. Add to this list a number of oddball mourners who come to pay their respects and you've got a week of dysfunctional comic drama. The repercussions are laugh out loud funny and poignant at the same time.

As I read this book, I couldn't help but think that it would make an amazing movie. The characters are just so oddly lovable and relatable. The family dynamic is incredibly familiar and easy to identify with. The Foxman's are everyone's family. Sure, they are somewhat eccentric and manipulative, but the love they have for each other is clear. Yes, they may despise each other at times, but underneath the chaos is an undying loyalty to each other. And isn't that pretty much how every family works?

Would You Rather Wednesday..

Time to play!! I give you a question with two possible answers and you HAVE to choose one. Not choosing, or saying "neither" will result in a quick and painful punishment that I am not at liberty to discuss. (the authorities are watching me...).

Now..

*1.Would you rather..

Be on Dancing with the Stars?

or

American Idol?


*2.Would you rather find....

the fountain of youth

or

5 million dollars?


*3 Would you rather....

be quickly forgotten when you die...

or hatefully remembered forever?

*********BONUS GROSS OUT QUESTION**************

Which tv dad would you like to play "bad babysitter" with...
Al Bundy...


or Jon Gosselin..


Don't you make him take off his belt!!

The Tuesday Ramblings Of A Psycho Bitch...

Oh Lordy Begordy, people. I am in a seriously bitchy mood. I mean it. I'm talking a "don't - make- eye- contact- with- me- or- I - will- cut- you" mood. I'm not sure exactly what my deal is today, just that I have one. A big deal of a bad mood... and it ain't getting better... yet. I just may go out and buy some wine and hide in the bathtub. But I'm broke and the bathtub needs a good scrub, so screw that.

Actually, scratch that. I do know what my deal is. We're broke. Again. Nothing new there, right? Right. I've been dealing with it for years now, so what's the biggie? Well, since you asked, the biggie is the fact that I am sick with dealing with it alone! My husband (who I love dearly. I do.) does not handle our finances. He avoids them like the plague. Actually, I think he would rather have the plague than try and figure out how to pay the mortgage, cable, electric and taxes with one paycheck. He has no interest in it. I am the one left pulling the magic rabbit out of the hat every week with our money. It was tough before, but now he's lost all overtime at work, and it's gotten even worse. The magic rabbit has left the building. I can't do it anymore. I want help. I;ve begged before and he says he'll help, but it doesn't happen. I know why though... because I'll do it anyway. He doesn't have to worry because I will pick up the paycheck, wave my magic wand and somehow things get paid. What he doesn't see is me haggling with the creditors and begging the electric company to give us one more month. He knows I deal with it, so he doesn't have to. Well, that's gonna change people! Little Craigie-Poo is gonna get himself his own magic wand and top hat and do some magic of his own. I'm done dealing with it. I've done my ten years sentence, he can take over now.

I'm also a major beyotch because I'm bored. Yep, you heard me... bored. Yeah, I'm busy. But I'm bored. Mind numbingly bored. I am so bored that I can't even come up with a synonym for "bored". I sit home and work by myself all day. I clean the house and I do the laundry and make the dinner and then it all starts over again in the morning. I haven't been blogging. Maybe I need to make more time for myself?? I don't know.

I've got tons of book reviews to get to. I'm not sure why I've slacked off. I think I'm depressed. Ok, that's a lie... I know I am. That's the first step, right? Admitting it? Well, there. I admitted it. I don't feel any better yet. I know that I have to push myself... but right now, pushing just seems too hard... can someone give me a little shove?

This entire blog post makes no sense.. so I've decided it fits for a "Tuesday rambling" over at the unmom. com . Check out the link at the top of the page and check out some other bloggers' rambling posts.. maybe they are in a better mood!