Oh Lordy Begordy, people. I am in a seriously bitchy mood. I mean it. I'm talking a "don't - make- eye- contact- with- me- or- I - will- cut- you" mood. I'm not sure exactly what my deal is today, just that I have one. A big deal of a bad mood... and it ain't getting better... yet. I just may go out and buy some wine and hide in the bathtub. But I'm broke and the bathtub needs a good scrub, so screw that.
Actually, scratch that. I do know what my deal is. We're broke. Again. Nothing new there, right? Right. I've been dealing with it for years now, so what's the biggie? Well, since you asked, the biggie is the fact that I am sick with dealing with it alone! My husband (who I love dearly. I do.) does not handle our finances. He avoids them like the plague. Actually, I think he would rather have the plague than try and figure out how to pay the mortgage, cable, electric and taxes with one paycheck. He has no interest in it. I am the one left pulling the magic rabbit out of the hat every week with our money. It was tough before, but now he's lost all overtime at work, and it's gotten even worse. The magic rabbit has left the building. I can't do it anymore. I want help. I;ve begged before and he says he'll help, but it doesn't happen. I know why though... because I'll do it anyway. He doesn't have to worry because I will pick up the paycheck, wave my magic wand and somehow things get paid. What he doesn't see is me haggling with the creditors and begging the electric company to give us one more month. He knows I deal with it, so he doesn't have to. Well, that's gonna change people! Little Craigie-Poo is gonna get himself his own magic wand and top hat and do some magic of his own. I'm done dealing with it. I've done my ten years sentence, he can take over now.
I'm also a major beyotch because I'm bored. Yep, you heard me... bored. Yeah, I'm busy. But I'm bored. Mind numbingly bored. I am so bored that I can't even come up with a synonym for "bored". I sit home and work by myself all day. I clean the house and I do the laundry and make the dinner and then it all starts over again in the morning. I haven't been blogging. Maybe I need to make more time for myself?? I don't know.
I've got tons of book reviews to get to. I'm not sure why I've slacked off. I think I'm depressed. Ok, that's a lie... I know I am. That's the first step, right? Admitting it? Well, there. I admitted it. I don't feel any better yet. I know that I have to push myself... but right now, pushing just seems too hard... can someone give me a little shove?
This entire blog post makes no sense.. so I've decided it fits for a "Tuesday rambling" over at the unmom. com . Check out the link at the top of the page and check out some other bloggers' rambling posts.. maybe they are in a better mood!
Ugh, I hear ya! Hubby doesn't do squat with the finances here either, other than quietly rack up the visa and then hand it back. Roar.
ReplyDeleteEvery once in a while the hubby decides he wants in on the finances, and screws up the checkbook balance. As frustrating as it is to do it alone, I find it safer for hubby if he just watches football and leave the hard stuff for me :)
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain Kel. I do the money. Made Hubs sit down & at least see what I do & how I could possible stress over it. It was pulling teeth just to get 5 minutes from him to see it. He said wow you do a lot & a great job. BUT he would never think about doing it himself. And as OCD as I am I would never let him. I did have to give him a weekly allowance though. And if he goes over then I go over & let him know that he HAS to come up with the difference. Girl we are selling all kinds of stuff (furniture, electronics we don't use, the car, etc) just to make things work comfortably around here.
ReplyDeleteAnd then the other part. I'm not used to being a SAHM/student/etc. And I HATE it! I mean I don't want to go back to work anytime soon but I HATE the same routine every stinking day. I'm bored too! Even if I have way too much on my plate I'm still bored. I so understand that feeling.
Sorry my comment turned into a blog on your blog. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. And if I didn't live way down here in GA I would come give you a hug, a bottle of wine (we would split) & clean your tub.
I hope better things come your way soon. Listen to your heart - it will tell you what you need to be happy.
ReplyDeleteS--h---o--vvvvv---eee
ReplyDeleteThere. Now, return the favor and gimmie a swift kick in the ass, willya?
Grazie.
Aww, poor thing! I'm so sorry! :(
ReplyDeleteWant me to mail you a bottle of wine? Becuase I WILL!!!
I hear ya on the hubs and finances thing. They really do believe we are some magic freakin fairies getting those bills paid every month.
ReplyDeleteAre you married to my hubby? I need some new pixie dust for magic wand too, btw. You should definantly blog more :)
ReplyDeleteFinances suck. That's all there is to say about that. Hope things get better.... blog more, I find that helps when I'm pissy!
ReplyDeleteOh I hear ya....being BROKE sucks. Big dirty dog butt. I'm shoving you. To do whatever it is you need to feel better. I'm hugging, shoving and offering drugs. That's the best I can do. Cuz I find myself in the hole of depression more than I want or should. :/
ReplyDeleteOf course the problem is lack of blogging...your blog sure makes me smile! Except today when you're all moody and dark...LOL
ReplyDeleteI think a LOT of couples have the lack-of-magic-wand syndrome and one ends up suffering for it. My sister went through this same issue for a full year---just struggling and stressing about how to pay all the bills, and her husband basically blamed her for their lack of money. Finally she turned it all over to him - it lasted a month I think. He claims he was too stressed with work to do all the bills too--poor thing. She had nothing to do but care for three kids and tend to the house and have dinner ready every night at 6pm. Frustrating - makes me happy to be single and have to answer to noone else.
ReplyDeleteIt SUCKS being broke.
And it sucks to be bored. It's a bad combo.
Keep your chin up!!!
Keep blogging!!!! We all adore you, even without a magic wand! :)
You NEED to put your foot down. Tell him unless he is at least willing to do it WITH you, you aren't doing it anymore and it is up to him now. Make him see you are serious and you can't handle the responsibility alone anymore, not when things are this tough!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are depressed! Nix your hubby getting fed and go get that wine and bath!((HUGS))
I am also broke, bored and bitchy.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I got nothin' more than commiseration...
Bill paying is the worst especially when you are broke. Not too long ago I kind of snapped because I had too much on my plate and Luke offered to take over the bills. Um, yeah that was the worst thing ever! Basically he just forgot to pay anything on time and I just spent the entire time stressing about things not getting paid, so it didn't make things any better for me.
ReplyDeleteI definitely think more "me time" is in order for you. I find that "me time" is the way that I keep my sanity.
Hugs you!!
ReplyDeleteThen pushes you off the pity chair, with love though!!!!!! Get it together and MAKE the changes you need to. Action will kick that depressed mood to the curb!
I think you have every right to feel the way you do ... you shouldn't have to deal with this stuff alone. And YES ... you need to take some time for yourself. If blogging isn't doing it for you, find something else. Hang in there.
ReplyDelete