It seems that I have become a expert on the subject of horrible blogging. I am the epitome of the the scatterbrained and fickle bloggess. So, of course, it would be my honor to share my wealth of knowledge with you, my dedicated readers.
How To Lose Readers and Alienate Followers:
* Do not post regularly. There should be no rhyme or reason to your frequency of posting.
* When people comment on your posts, don't comment back. Be as rude as possible and don't reciprocate even with the smallest of compliments on their blog. They may return the favor and visit your blog again! Which of course, means you need to post again, to give them something to read.
* Please, start lots of regular features on your blog, like "would you rather wednesday" and "funny friday" and "question of the week"... and then only post them sporadically and on the wrong days. This will keep your readers aggravated and annoyed.
* When you do post, make sure there are lots of spelling and grammatical errors. Nothing pisses off a reader like reading a unedited post. Keep them guessing your meaning with misspelled words, and incorrect usage of adjectives.
* Also, post several times explaining your absence from your blog, and ensure your loyal readers that you will soon be back to regular postings. You must complain that "life has gotten a little hectic", but please, don't specify how or why. (because then you would have to explain that really, you've just been lazy and taking naps with the dogs.)
*And finally, if you are a bad blogger, accept your failings. Run with them, make a post up about how awful you are at commiting to anything, even something you love, like writing. Share your slackery-ness, and teach others how to fail at blogging as well. Because it's no fun to be a loser by yourself. Please, drag others down with you.
So practice these easy steps and you too can be a failure at blogging just like me!!
YOU'RE WELCOME!!
I will always come back to your blog to read your crazy sporadic posts and my feelings won't even be hurt when you don't acknowledge me. I could help you write a post about being a good follower.
ReplyDeletesorry... i wanted to not comment in support of your bad bloggerness, validating your success in alienating others, but i just have to... this is hilarious. every last word of it.
ReplyDeletei've come to decide that this whole blog scene is cyclical. i haven't figured out how to stay consistent.
Good thing your in my reader, or I'd never know when you post! :) haha
ReplyDeleteAh girl-its ok, I'll keep coming back (afterall we do share the same name!)
~K
Check...Check...Check...I am officially a bad blogger.
ReplyDeletebwahahahha @ posting stuff on the wrong days! I'm so doing Wordless Wed on like a Sun. Woot!
ReplyDeleteSlackery-ness a new word. See you taught me something ;)
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing I read up on this. Such good advice, I'll have to keep it all in mind. At least you don't have dread locks, then we'd all be in trouble.
ReplyDeleteLMFAO!!
ReplyDeleteYour not a bad blogger, just a normal person. It feels like everyone has slowed down a bit with their blogging. It's the ebb and flow sweetie, and we still love you.
And this...
"Please, start lots of regular features on your blog, like "would you rather wednesday" and "funny friday" and "question of the week"... and then only post them sporadically and on the wrong days. This will keep your readers aggravated and annoyed"
doesn't annoy us, it keeps us on our toes :)
aaaaah... life gets crazy for us all sometimes... i'll always be back to read a new post- promise!! happy friday!
ReplyDeleteteeheeehee great post. you are still a great blogger in my book though. ;)
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Your posts are always terrific:) I'll always come by to visit! Enjoy your Friday!
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up! I love how you keep it real!
ReplyDeleteDone, done, and done!
ReplyDeleteExcept maybe for the spelling and grammar errors, I'm a bit of a stickler about that, but take no offense, I'm thinking of seeing a therapist about it.
It's OK, Kel! I've just been worried about you!
ReplyDeleteHA
ReplyDeleteI was in my reader and caught the headline I haven't stopped laughing had to stop by and say thank you for the laugh!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're not a bad blogger. Just normal, like the rest of us :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd, at least you don't have music on your blog! That's one of my pet peeves ...applications that play your favourite song from the 1980's. So, while I'm at work, I will click on your blog, and my speakers will spring to life with some unknown love song making everyone in the office turn around and look at me to say.."just what is she listening too? That can't be work related!" :-)
Don't you know the best way to get someone to keep coming back for more is use the intermittent reward schedule? You've got that done to a science. Psych 101, baby! LOL!
ReplyDeleteYou are very good for being so bad.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like everyone is slacking a bit lately. Which is probably a good thing otherwise we all spend way too much time online reading a bajillion (yep it's a real word/number, I promise) blog posts everyday.
ReplyDeleteyou are one of the silliest bloggers around! I won't leave...I'm just as bad as you think you are!!! lol
ReplyDeletethere is a button on my blog called blogging without obligation that another gave to me so as to say it is okay to be insane...lol no worries...you have a great excuse...it's summer!
Your too funny! I haven't noticed a darn thing!!
ReplyDeleteTaking naps with the dogs? I was going to stop following, but napping with the dogs is understandable. I will be staying.
ReplyDeletei love reading posts on the wrong days... it keeps me on my toes : )
ReplyDeletehave no fear, we're still here!
so many of us fall under this category....
ReplyDeletethat is why we follow each other! :)
@lov: I totally agree. Although, I must admit that I'm probably worse that most :) You've got a great blog... always very funny
ReplyDeleteOMG...I was cringing thinking you were going to put my name at the end of that post! I checked off how many of your points? Geesh...don't worry...still here and lovin' to read your blog!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you've got it all figured it {{ahem 28 comments LOL!) You know we love you no matter what!
ReplyDeletecrap....I always do that...I need to proof read more! ugh! I mean, you have it all figured "out!" Aggh!
ReplyDeleteI have set sail on the failure boat. Aahhh... it seems as though life has taken over (HA HA) and I can't seem to keep up also. My blog is so lonely, but I (much like yourself) will be back to my writing self in no time!!!
ReplyDeleteHave no fear... this chick will keep on reading no matter how random!!
You are too funny. This was great! And hey ... we all totally understand. everyone has moments like this. No pressure. Now you have us hooked again with this great post!
ReplyDeleteAwesome, m'dear.
ReplyDeleteGive us what you can, we'll take it. :-)
I started this thing called "Trainwreck Tuesdays" ...I did it for 2 weeks and then forgot.
ReplyDeleteHello, my name is Liz, and I am a bad blogger! :)
I keep doing those things as well... Wouldn't even dream of starting a regular feature, because I'd just forget about it after a week.
ReplyDelete:D
So funny. :)
You are too funny! And a great blogger. when you blog! :) Summer is so hectic!
ReplyDeleteDammit...so is there a special button badge we get for being the most awesomely suckiest blogger?
ReplyDelete:)
hmm thanks for the advice..i know what i am doing wrong now...lol
ReplyDelete