Sunday, June 14, 2009

Mommyhood - For Jess


One of my bestest bloggy buddies, Jess, over at NerdyJess, posted a few questions about motherhood over on her blog this week. I wanted to answer them for her, from my point of view. I tend to ramble, so I decided to do it on my blog instead of taking up all her comments with my verbal diarrhea. Here are her questions, along with my answers. (and seriously, check out her blog people, she is the coolest. Love, love, love her!)

So, tell me, what is it like to be a mom?

Well, everyone says the same thing, don't they? It's hard, but it's worth it. And it is. Worth it, I mean. As for the difficulty level, it varies. It depends on the kid. I've got a fairly easy kid. She was a handful at first. Colicky and never slept. Like never. But you know what? Those years don't last that long. And it's hard making decisions and wondering if you are doing the right things by them. But having someone love you unconditionally and as totally as a child does... I would take 60 years of sleepless night and colicky babies.

Does labor hurt? (duh.)
Oh honey, I want to tell that you that no, it doesn't hurt. Or maybe just a little. Or maybe give you that old spiel about "it's hurts but you forget about it." But it's not true. It hurts like hell and you will have never forget. Ever.

Do you really lock yourself in the pantry when the kids are screaming, you're overwhelmed, and eat a jar of marshmallow fluff to keep from beating your head bloody?

Yes, Yes I do. Are you judging me?? bitch.

How does your relationship change with your spouse after baby?

Again, it depends on you. If you decide to make your marriage a priority, I think most marriages can handle children. I made the mistake of completely becoming "mom" and forgetting about the "wife" part. I was all consumed with baby. I am trying to break those bad habits. It's hard not to let that little bundle become your entire life and forget about Hubs for awhile. But don't. That baby will grow up and move out and guess who is still there, if your lucky? Hubby.

Did you work before baby? Did you work after baby?

I worked before and after baby, but I had weird circumstances. My job offered me the option of working from home. It wasn't easy. I feel like I missed alot of her baby years because I was always on the computer. Now, that I am not working anymore..I'm struggling. I'm bored. I am not the type that wants to clean and primp the house. I'm just not. Now I find myself searching for other options.

Do you feel guilty for staying home/going back to work?
How did you decide? Do you get jealous? How do you cope with the jealousy of the other side of the coin?

It's always greener on the other side, isnt' it? Don't we all want what someone else has? The stay at home moms miss going to work. The working mom's feel judged by the stay at home moms. When you become a parent, you will feel this rivalry. It's on every playground. I'm not saying every mom feels this way... but there are many who do. You need to decide where you feel comfortable and you may change you mind midway... but that's your choice. No one else's.

How do you keep from completely screwing up a kid?

um, you can't. You can do you best and try your hardest and hope for the best. It might work. You might raise an angel. You could raise a hellion. Roslyn may turn out just as messed up as me. Or she may take her own path and run in the other direction. The only thing I can do is be honest with her about my mistakes in the hopes that she doesn't make them herself.

So, there you go, my lovely Jess, hope it helps. I am, by no means, an expert. But I try as hard as I can, which is all any mom can do. Good luck, girl! I know that one day you will be the most awesome mom! (and I have a feeling the baby's nickname will be "cupcake".)

29 comments:

  1. You are SO right! I'm gonna go look at her blog now, but I love what you said about the labor...you NEVER forget, I mean once you have the baby, the pain pretty much disappears (unless you have a c-section) but it's not like you ever freakin' forget!
    Macey

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  2. Awesome job answering her question honestly and openly;)
    Very true about staying true to being a wife too. I got married pregnant, and have always been a mom, and worry that when they are all grown up and gone he and I won't know what to do with each other. I try to be aware and work on that;)

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  3. YAY! Thanks for answering these questions! I had a feeling about the labor thing, those rat bastards were lying!

    Oh and thanks for the link back! I appreciate it :)

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  4. I have always thought that I would want to work part-time when I have kids, to have some adult time, but I don't know how I will feel when I actually have kids!

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  5. Yep, it's pretty much the truth, isn't it? :)

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  6. Honest and true! Nobody want to hear about the manure all they want to see are the roses. You continue to be my hero!

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

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  7. Hi Kel, the new blog look is fab! I have to take some time later to read this post better, up early to take the teen to volunteer, but I'll be back!

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  8. I have to say that labor was the pits but delivery was alright. And of course it was sooo worth it!
    kel, you were very truthful with the whole wife vs mom thing. That is very challenging for me too.

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  9. Oh and my labor wasn't bad..I had good luck with that..

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  10. Good stuff!

    But come on, we forget about the pain of labor, and how bad the first few months are when pregnant, or the human race would not continue.

    BUT as soon as labor starts we all of a sudden remember. LOL

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  11. does labor hurt???? lol
    I love your answers to these questions...I DID NOT FORGET ANY OF IT.....I was just too stupid to get my tubes tied until after the third one...around this city...there is no such thing as epidural unless you are going for a C-section!!!! ouch!

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  12. This was fantastic! I love how you "tell it like it is." I'm a stay-at-home mom (and I don't think I judge working moms ... I just know I couldn't do it without having a heart attack!) and it has been a huge adjustment. I felt so much like "here I am ... a college education and I'm a housewife." I think it is easy to feel that you are not contributing ... to society, to household finances, etc. Some days, I feel like such a loser. But other days I feel so glad to be able to "be" there for my son. But a break from your kid is essential. Like anything in life, it kind of ebbs and flows.

    And your point about forgetting to be a wife is right on. I'm still struggling with that ... having kids defnitely redefines your relationship with your huband.

    Wonderful wonderful post!

    And I love the new blog name and look!

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  13. I am also bored with being at home, although I am glad that I did it when it was needed most. Looking forward to jumping back into the mix.

    And our goal is to avoid screwing up our kids too much. We'll have to wait and see if they write a tell all book.

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  14. Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. I'm not sure I would have found the "new you" otherwise! :-)
    I love your posts!
    Cheers

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  15. Love the "How do you keep from screwing up your child" question. It is inevitable -- they will always blaime you for their faults.

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  16. Whoa..things have changed since last I was here! New name, new blog. It's cute!

    I'm back online. Diff url but same old me. :)

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  17. AWESOME post!! And I agree--Labor hurts like HELL!!

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  18. Like all your honesty...it's all so true! I really enjoyed about screwing up your kid. How do you know? Maybe when they finally grow up you get a semblance of what you did but I can tell you...I have a 22 yo that was a total handful and is now just incredible. So you just wing it!

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  19. Labor does hurt--but it's not SO bad if you get the drugs. Which I totally did. Of course when they wear off your crotch hurts like a mofo..

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  20. You said it all!! You're so right that we're all just trying our best. I cringe thinking of those labor pains. Great post!

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  21. Great post! I'm having troubles with the following now- I had to stop following and then start again and maybe now it'll work. Someone else has taken up on the girl in the glasses html now and I guess I was following them but not...it's weird. It came up for me to go look at it, but it didn't show the person I was a follower! Talk about a way to stalk someone! Anyway, I think it's working now so I won't miss any more of your posts hopefully. :)

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  22. Loved your answers and how true they are!!! I've been so stinkin' sick I just haven't been visiting much, but I'm workin on it!:-) I forget how much I love your blog!

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  23. Cute, cute new blog. I love it, Kel!

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  24. Heeeeeeere you are!

    And nice answers! Only I don't eat fluff when I lock myself in the pantry...I east chocolate chips out of the bag.

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  25. Lord knows none of us are experts. But great advise Kel. All of it.

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  26. Hit the nail on the head :)

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Ya wanna say something? Then just say it.. spit it out already.. sheesh.