I am all kinds of pissed off tonight.. and really what better way to get back to blogging, than with a rant?
I don't even know who I am more mad at, me or my husband. Here's the story: Ros has been sick since last Wednesday. Longer than that actually. For a week before that she was sleeping like 4 hours a night due to her allergies and post nasal drip. So of course, who stays up with her? Me. Fine, I get that. I work from home, I set my own hours. He needs his sleep. Whatever.. But last time I checked, I do too. The doc put her on antibiotics last Wednesday. It was such a strong dosage.. she got sick. I mean, diarrhea sick.. it was awful. It was pouring out of the kid. We went through a twenty pack of underwear in a day. Every time she coughed she leaked. She crapped herself in her sleep. It was awful. So Friday night, I was up with her all night. Does husband get up? No. What does he do Saturday morning? Goes for a four hour bike ride. I let it go, it was his birthday. Saturday night she is puking her brains out and crapping her pants all night. Does he get up and help me? No. He swears he doesn't hear her..but really he has to. I am in and out of the bedroom getting underwear all night. (her dresser is in our room). She continues to be sick until yesterday when she spikes a fever and she goes to the ER. When we get home and the kid is freaking comatose on the couch with fever, shivering, what does he do? He spends the evening getting his bike ready for today's ride. Are you effing kidding me?? God dammit...
Now, here is the problem. I am sure you are all thinking right now.. "what a jerk. I would kill him." But its not that simple. Because he asked me if he should go. And what do I say? I say "whatever. It looks like you're getting ready to go anyway." and "I'm not gonna be the mean guy and say no." I never say "please stay. I need help". But I also don't say, "yeah, you should go." You know why? Because I want him to want to help. (I sound like Jennifer Anniston in The Break-up) But it's true. I want him to think, "Wow. Kel's had a rough time with all this lately. She looks exhausted. Maybe she's gettin' sick of cleaning puke and scrubbing poo out of underwear." I want him to love me enough to want to make it better for me. I want him to think that I am good mom and I am killing myself with worry and I need a break. I don't want to have to tell him to feel that way. I want him to just feel it. I want him to consider that maybe Roslyn would love for her dad to spontaneously grab a book off the shelf and read to her to give a me rest.
But again, I'm mad at myself because this is the way it's always been. I always keep my mouth shut about it, and seethe over things. He's not a mind reader. And maybe I seem like I don't need help.
Now I am gonna regret this post in the morning. Because my husband is not a jerk. He is a caring father and husband. I love him with all my heart. But right now, I am just feeling a little neglected. Right now, I am upset. Right now, I am beyond exhausted. And right now, I am really wishing that he could just read my mind and know that I don't always say what I mean. That sometimes I just want him to want to help, whether I let him or not. Which I probably wont, because I don't want him to be tired for work and I don't want him to get sick.
Hey, I never said I wasn't complicated.
I don't know your husband, and he's probably not a jerk, but this is definitely jerky behavior.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry!
You are so much nicer than I am. I'd be flinging dirty underwear at him.
ReplyDelete{{{Kel}}} I am sorry she is so sick. The poor thing.
awwwhhh ~ so sorry you're going through this. What you described is exactly how it is around here too. I don't think they 'mean' to be jerks...they just don't 'think' sometimes, you know?
ReplyDeleteI have found that sometimes I have to swallow my pride and ask for help. When I do, it's better off for everyone, b/c not only do I get a break, by the hubs and the kid get a chance to get closer.
Good luck! Hope things get back to normal soon! :)
Ohh, I'm so sorry! I've been there. I've been there many, many a time! It SUCKS. And you DESERVE a break. Tell him. He can take a day off work for his sick child. There's nothing wrong with that. You need sleep. You need a break. You need support. Tell him so he can step up to the plate.
ReplyDelete*big, BIG hugs!!!!*
((hugs))
ReplyDeletemen need us to spell things out for them. They don't get it otherwise.
Tell him. Or show him this blog post.
I'm sure he's not a complete jerk or you would not have married him, but as I said before, men need women to spell it out. He probably thinks you want to do all that because you're the mommy.
Good luck, and I hope your little one will feel better soon!
You are talking about your hubby or mine?
ReplyDeleteI want mine to want to do a lot of things, but he doesn't. That's why I have a Mother's Helper, because he would rather pay someone to help me that do it himself!!!
I hope she's over the Semi-Slacker plague soon. You feel better, too.
ugh, i feel ya. i think guys have a tendency to be clueless anyway, but when kids and sickness are involved, i think they feel a little helpless and overwhelmed.
ReplyDeleteyou should either ask him to help you or strike a deal where he goes on his bike ride but then you get to go get a pedicure (or read a book in the car by yourself!).
It's a norm for hubbies to behave that way. Like what we would prolly most agree on is the fact that they don't do such stuff...it's all left to the moms and wives to settle these things. They only know most times that they are the man of the house in most aspects but definitely not in this one. Anyway, be upfront and ask for help whenever you're in need. I see it as doing everything together. Communication plays a BIG part too. And he will follow suit too. And then, you'll be the best of friends in most things in your lives. :) Hope this helps a bit.
ReplyDeleteI sure hope she feels better soon, that sounds rough!
ReplyDeleteI too am very complicated like that.. I never out-right say I need help, I just expect him to know and want to help..but does he?...NO
I totally get where you are coming from..good luck!
I used to do the same thing... I want my hubby to just care enough to see my needs and fulfill them. But men don't see things that way because they don't think like a woman. If it was him...he would let you know...more than once...and complain like a baby, begging for help. So, ask yourself if he was in your shoes, what would he do? He would probably not ask but TELL you to help him. And think about it, if you did simply ask him to help, he would probably turn into the sweetest of sweethearts, if only he understood how you are feeling. He doesn't speak our language and it's easier for us to speak theirs (because of course we're superior *wink*) so talk his language. :) I hope she gets better soon for both your sakes.
ReplyDeletegirl...you have not said anything that all of us have not been thru. I feel that way a lot lately.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure that just because they are born with a penis...they think they are above doing or "knowing" anything emotional!
hang in there...rant all you want...that's what we are here for!
I think we're all complicated this way. I'm sure if you did say, I'd really like you to stay ... to give me a few hours away from this situation. I'm sure he would jump right to it. Men are odd, they need things spelled out for them. Us women ... we're intuitive, when a man says, 'no you go on, I can get through this' do we go on? NO we stay right there until things are right as rain again. We be COOL like that!
ReplyDeleteI do hope your little one gets well soon though, I hate flus like that. They're the worst!
First of all, I am wishing your little one a quick and easy recovery. Poor thing.
ReplyDeleteAs for the hubs, I am sure he is a nice man, husband, and father. This does sound like he is being a jerk, though.
Scott and I learned a long time ago that we work best being 100% open and honest. We talk about everything. We explain our needs and wants. This has helped us live happy and fulfilled as a couple with no fights or hurt feelings.
So, maybe sit down and talk to him about what you need and expect from him?
It's not that women expect men to be mind readers,but we shouldn't have to ask for help when it comes to domestic things.Especially when your child is sick.There's a daddy and a mommy,and nowhere does it say that mommy has to take care of everything,and daddy should only help when asked/begged.I'm sorry,but that is such bullshit.
ReplyDeleteI totally agreed with Jennifer Aniston's characters' whole point of view in "The Break-up".Women do things for their men just because,even if we're not asked.Men just want to coast along and everytime their woman confronts them about being insensitive and not doing things for her spontaneously,what is their comeback? "But honey,I'm not a mind reader!"
Give me a break.
Anyway,forgive my rant.But this subject gets me riled up everytime.
I hope your girl gets well really quickly,for your and her sake.
I know you are angry, but as a friend once pointed out to me "maybe you are so capable, he doesn't know you're exhausted." You have to tell men things, they do mean well.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry Ros is so sick. Hope she is better soon.
No reason to regret posting this...
ReplyDeleteconsider a family I know who have 2 kids, both with chronic health issues. I won't detail them here, but the kind of night you describe (up most of night with a sick kid(s)) happens to them many times each month.
Never mind it was his birthday; you needed the help, and his bike ride should have waited.
He may well have asked you, and you may have said whatever, but then when my much-better-half says whatever, I know what she means!
boys are dumb.
ReplyDeleteHope she is feeling better soon and you can get some sleep
With the way you have described this situation it's prefectly understandable why your feeling un or under appreciated. But Kel, you are a smart woman. You know you have to - yes HAVE TO - ask for help from most men. They will not just do what needs to be done. And I'm not man bashing, it's just not in their nature. Most of them anyway, and it sounds like you have one of them. I know I do. You have to say "Look, I'm exhausted and I need help." Your not gonna be any good to Ros - if she continues to be sick much longer - if you run yourself into the ground. Tell him you need help. In no uncertain terms.
ReplyDeleteSometimes people run away from those things when they are not sure what to do. He probably offers his support in other ways— not in the immediate ways you want him to at this moment.
ReplyDeleteHope things get well all around.
i feel ya... of course your husband is not a jerk (just a man)... but maybe you should just flat out ask for help... i know you gotta be running on fumes at this point, i'll be thinking about you!
ReplyDeleteOh Kel.....I'm sorry...HUGS! Here's the thing....I used to do exactly what you do....keep my mouth shut....but then my husband and I went through a rough spell and did counseling....and I learned.....men do not think like us......you have to speak your mind.....now, I just tell him exactly what I think....and sometimes he doesn't like it.......but it makes things so much happier in our home!
ReplyDeleteI hope Ros is feeling better....poor baby!
I know you so want him to "get it" but you forget the little detail that he's a man. Tell the little effer your needs! Do it now, little mama!
ReplyDeletePoor little thing.
ReplyDeleteWhat I want to know is, why you kept putting undies on her, only to take them off & clean them! Just let her wear a nightgown until the fountain stops.
Euuwww, I just grossed myself out.
This whole scenario is soo familiar from the days when I had little kids.
ReplyDeleteMy view is the same as everyone else's. You're going to have to S-P-E-L-L it out for him. He's a typical guy. The more you suck it up, the more resentful, you'll be. Good luck!
Thanks for coming by.
Kel..{{{big giant hugs}}} coming your way:)
ReplyDeleteI hope she is feeling much better and so are you. You are a much nicer wife than me! I'm with Jenni Jiggety up there! I'd be flinging more than dirty underwear!
You deserve a break, for sure!
I am sooooooooooooo hearing you. Why can't husbands just read our minds damit!!!??? They just don't..whatever we want we need to ask or find a way to communicate effectively. Men are interesting creatures aren't they??
ReplyDeleteYou are very entertaining....hope your little one is feeling better.
WOW!!! I could have totally wrote that post myself! You and I are so much alike! I did bite the bullet the other day and say what I wanted for once. My hubby was gonna go off with his boss to help him with a job because his meeting got canceled. I just wanted him to come home and help me with the kids. He called me to ask me (which usually means he's calling to tell me and pretending like he's really asking.) I finally after much pushing on his part told him how I felt, and he came home. But I so know what you mean. I want my hubby to be a mind reader too! And sometimes just to think about what might be a nice thing to do for me!
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for visiting my blog today! I am glad you came by. You know part of thinks it may be the glasses... she isn't doing it no where near as much today and she chose not to wear her glasses today. I might have to go back to her old pair until I can get those tested.
I hear ya sista! Why can't they just read our minds? Why don't they know that we mean the opposite of what we say? I tell ya I am exactly the same way with my husband and I just can't learn to say what I want him to do because I don't want to be a B.
ReplyDeletefrustrating i'n it!
I'm sorry but I'm totally taking your side ... I can't imagine he doesn't WANT to step in and help out. This just isn't a little small thing that men tend to miss -- this sounds like a volcano of crap and disgustingness exploding in your house and he is just oblivious. I totally hear you on this one. You are in Mommy Hell and you need a partner.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sorry I've been missing your posts. I ususally read in Google Reader and it hasn't been showing any updates lately. Stupid blogger. Didn't want you to think I've been neglecting you.
Aw, I hope she's feeling better now!
ReplyDeleteFrom a women's perspective, I'm thinking, what a dick.
From a man's perspective, I'm thinking that men are idiots and they just really don't get it unless you spell it out for them.
Okay, so maybe both of those are from a woman's perspective :)
((HUG))
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing worse then a sick kiddo except maybe a slacking husband. Hope you got some much needed and deserved rest!