If You're Nerdy and You Know It, Shout "Oy Vey!"

For years, I fought against my true nature. I have struggled with my inner demons. I have been in fierce combat with my true identity. I have smuggled my secrets and hid them under a super cool and awesomely fierce exterior. (I can hear you laughing and I do not appreciate it. Not one bit.) Ladies and Gentlemen, I am a nerd. Yes, you heard me. I know. I can hardly believe it myself.

But I have decided to embrace my inner dweeb. It's time for me to experience some self love..(no, not that kind of self love...although, now that you mention it... )OK wait, we're getting off topic here. I have compiled a list of my favorite Geeky attributes... why? Um, because I was grasping at straws for a blog topic, that's why.

1. I have an abiding love of geeky exclamations. I throw phrases like, "Geez Louise!" and "Oy Vey" like crazy. When I drop something, I have been known to yell, "Aw, Beans!" and "Son of a Biscuit." Again, I know. The coolness factor is through the roof, right?

2. My perfect date would include: a book store, a candy store, a stroll through the science museum and perfectly lovely Slurpee under the stars. Throw in some lame poop jokes and I am in love.

3. I watch PBS. Alot. I love Masterpiece Theater. I like to sit in a velvet upholstered chair and smoke my pipe while watching.

4. I still watch cartoons. I still love them. I watch them when my kid is in school. I have been known to rock some Yo Gabba Gabba when I am alone. Naked. (just making sure you're paying attention.)

5. I lay awake at night at try to rearrange words into other words...(sound familiar, Yaya?)

6. This comes in handy when I obsessively play Scrabble online.

7. I also lay awake at night thinking of "would you rather" questions. Those things just don't appear on their own, ya know. That kind of magic takes effort, people.

8. I have a girl crush on Tina Fey. OK, fine... not so much as a crush as I WANT TO BE HER. There, that didn't sound weird, right?

9. I read magazines about books. Did you even know they existed? Well, they do and I subscribe to them. I may be the only subscriber, but they do exist.

10. And my worst geeky trait is the fact that I've worried about being a geek. Truly, is there anything more pathetic than pretending to be something you're not. I am not "cool" , nor will I ever be. I will never blend in with the popular people. I will never be in the "in crowd". But that's cool with me. I kinda like the nerds better.

And now, it's your turn... are you a nerd and loving it? And if not, what the hell makes you so cool? Huh?

QOTW If you could change the past.....

This week's" question of the week" is:

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE EVENT IN YOUR PAST, WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WHY?

Of course, there are a lot of small events in my life that have shaped me. Some good, some bad. But most of them, I would not change. Each moment changed my life in some way and got me to where I am today. However, there is one 3 minute event in my life that I would love to wipe clear of my memory forever. I don't feel that it changed me in any way that is good or beneficial. It hurt me more than I would like to admit.

The date was September 10, 1998. I was 21 years old. I was working as a bank teller. I loved my job. I was awesome at it. My girlfriend, another teller, and I were talking and laughing, singing with the radio. It was a quiet Thursday morning at the bank. Suddenly, two men burst through the door. It took me a second to even realize why they had ski masks. But once one jumped my counter and pointed his gun at me it was very clear.

"Where's the fuckin' money?" he screamed in my face. I couldn't stop staring up at the gun pointed at my forehead. His finger was on the trigger. He had it tipped sideways, I could see his finger on the other side.

I dumbly pointed to the drawer. He told me and the other teller to put our heads against the cabinets, while he emptied the tills. The other guy was robbing the customer service rep and the man she had been waiting on. There was alot of screaming going on. My friend and I just sat their, shaking in fear. I was terrified he would ask to get into the vault, because I was the head teller and had the key. I sat there, hunched over, and tried not to pass out. Suddenly, the guy in the service area saw that the alarm light was blinking.

"One of those bitches hit the alarm!" He sounded panicked. The man standing behind us starting waving the gun against the backs of our heads, pacing and cursing. I caught the eye of my friend. Her eyes were wide in fear.

"Did you hit that alarm, bitch?" he asked her. She just shook her head. She hadn't, either. He most likely tripped the alarm when he was grabbing the money. He turned towards me. Luckily, at that moment, the third guy who had been sitting in the car, stuck his head through the door and screamed "Let's go! Now." And then they were gone. The whole incident was 3 and a half minutes long. It seemed like hours.

I haven't been the same since. I have had panic attacks since I was child, mostly due to medical issues.(I have a blood phobia...) but I was never scared of things. I did not shy away from situations. Now, I am scared of everything. I get nervous in stores. I hate crowds. I have nightmares. The night terrors stared probably a month after the robbery. I would wake up with violent shaking and wouldn't be able to stop. I worry obsessively now, about everything and everyone. If this could happen to me, it could happen to anyone. And if it happened to me once, it could happen to me again. And next time it might be worse.

I guess the worst part of it all, was the fact that my world was rocked. I come from a small town. Things like that don't happen there. I had never experienced anything like that. Things like that happen on tv, or in big cities. And they certainly don't happen to me. I see the world a lot differently now, and the view isn't all that great.

So, I guess if I had to choose one moment, that would be the one. I can't see that anything good came out of it, only fear and pain. Sure, maybe it caused me to see the world as it really is, but I would really prefer to have my rose colored glasses back.

Hot Seat Question, Episode #1

Hey everyone! Welcome to a new segment here at Girl In The Glasses (aka.. the coolest blog known to man..). Each week, I am going to give you a situation to ponder. Some will be silly (this is me, afterall). Some will be serious. Some will be though-provoking (but not many... I mean come on. You know I can only go so deep). I am going to give you several possible responses and you can choose one, or of course, leave your own. It's just a fun little social experiment and a way for us all to get to know each other.

So here is your first situation...

You have been dating a wonderful man for months and finally get a chance to meet his family. They invite you over for a formal dinner at their house. You are so nervous. You're sweating, your stomach hurts. Table conversation is tense. Finally the father makes an attempt at a joke to cut the tension. You overcompensate by laughing just a little too hard. So hard in fact, that it happens... you let one rip. You never even felt it coming. The table goes eerily silent.. what do you do?

a. Blush, and mumble something along the lines of "excuse me.." or "my goodness. I'm so sorry."

b. Laugh and say "Hey.. who stepped on the duck?"

c. Blame the dog, who doesn't exist.

d. Blame your boyfriend and pray like mad that he plays along.

e. cry and run from the table.. and never return.

What would you do??? anything similar ever happen to you?

*I know you are totally shocked that I started with a silly one.. *

She makes it all worthwhile.....

This is what my baby girl gave me the other day.....


She used her scrapbook kit from Christmas.It says ..(or is suppossed to say...) "Thank you for taking care of me. You are the best."
Totally unprompted, out of the goodness of her sweet little heart. Days like this make me think I'm doing things right.

Because Nothing Cures The Flu Like a Pug Hug...

Roslyn and Dexter (aka Lil Man..) this morning! She's back, ladies and gentlemen! She's back!!

Would you Rather Wednesday- A Day Late... so what?

Thanks for "listening" to me rant yesterday. I am just exhausted and things are ticking me off at this point. Of course, Hubby is awesome most of the time and I really can't be mad at him for something that I didn't explain really bothered me. Men are different creatures.

So,on to bigger, better, and more sophisticated things... Would You Rather Wednesday.. a day late (cause I can do things like that...) Here goes. You know the drill.

Would you rather...

1. Jump out of the cake naked at your granny's 90th birthday party...(or other elderly relative.. lets not be technical!)

or
Casually stroll a crowded beach in nothing but a bikini top and an adult diaper..(ok fine, and flip flops, IF YOU MUST!)

2. Go bra-less or commando for a week?

3.Four days a month you are a super hero known as the MENSTRUAL CYCLONE.. chose your super human weapon for destroying enemies..

THE SARCASM SPASM (your constant stream of snarky comments causes your opponent to flail uncontrollably and lose motor function.)

or

THE DIRTY LOOK OF DOOM - a wrinkled forehead,raised eyebrows , a squinty glare and snarled lips and your enemies are down for the count.

And now for you pleasure, a Hip-Hop edition of the Bonus Gross Out Question....

Would you rather "get busy in a Burger King bathroom" with the Humpty Dance Guy?


Or Sample the "Flavors of Love" with Flava Flav.

Get up, get, get, get down..

And once again, your welcome.. please grab a barf bag on your way out..

Here's where I get complicated..

I am all kinds of pissed off tonight.. and really what better way to get back to blogging, than with a rant?

I don't even know who I am more mad at, me or my husband. Here's the story: Ros has been sick since last Wednesday. Longer than that actually. For a week before that she was sleeping like 4 hours a night due to her allergies and post nasal drip. So of course, who stays up with her? Me. Fine, I get that. I work from home, I set my own hours. He needs his sleep. Whatever.. But last time I checked, I do too. The doc put her on antibiotics last Wednesday. It was such a strong dosage.. she got sick. I mean, diarrhea sick.. it was awful. It was pouring out of the kid. We went through a twenty pack of underwear in a day. Every time she coughed she leaked. She crapped herself in her sleep. It was awful. So Friday night, I was up with her all night. Does husband get up? No. What does he do Saturday morning? Goes for a four hour bike ride. I let it go, it was his birthday. Saturday night she is puking her brains out and crapping her pants all night. Does he get up and help me? No. He swears he doesn't hear her..but really he has to. I am in and out of the bedroom getting underwear all night. (her dresser is in our room). She continues to be sick until yesterday when she spikes a fever and she goes to the ER. When we get home and the kid is freaking comatose on the couch with fever, shivering, what does he do? He spends the evening getting his bike ready for today's ride. Are you effing kidding me?? God dammit...

Now, here is the problem. I am sure you are all thinking right now.. "what a jerk. I would kill him." But its not that simple. Because he asked me if he should go. And what do I say? I say "whatever. It looks like you're getting ready to go anyway." and "I'm not gonna be the mean guy and say no." I never say "please stay. I need help". But I also don't say, "yeah, you should go." You know why? Because I want him to want to help. (I sound like Jennifer Anniston in The Break-up) But it's true. I want him to think, "Wow. Kel's had a rough time with all this lately. She looks exhausted. Maybe she's gettin' sick of cleaning puke and scrubbing poo out of underwear." I want him to love me enough to want to make it better for me. I want him to think that I am good mom and I am killing myself with worry and I need a break. I don't want to have to tell him to feel that way. I want him to just feel it. I want him to consider that maybe Roslyn would love for her dad to spontaneously grab a book off the shelf and read to her to give a me rest.

But again, I'm mad at myself because this is the way it's always been. I always keep my mouth shut about it, and seethe over things. He's not a mind reader. And maybe I seem like I don't need help.

Now I am gonna regret this post in the morning. Because my husband is not a jerk. He is a caring father and husband. I love him with all my heart. But right now, I am just feeling a little neglected. Right now, I am upset. Right now, I am beyond exhausted. And right now, I am really wishing that he could just read my mind and know that I don't always say what I mean. That sometimes I just want him to want to help, whether I let him or not. Which I probably wont, because I don't want him to be tired for work and I don't want him to get sick.

Hey, I never said I wasn't complicated.

Don't leave me!

My poor baby girl is sick as a dog.. so it looks like my absence will be a little longer... so bear with me, readers! I'll be back! Don't go ditching me for some floozie....she won't love you like I do!

The Plague has hit again...

I am sick. Sickety, sick, sick, sick. I am a whiny, snotty, feverish mess of a woman.. and I will not be blogging today. I have tons of emails to answer and lots of comments owed to you all.. but for now I will leave you with this.

Why? Because it's awesome that's why..duh. And just for tickles.. here's another one... you're welcome.

And now you can go read other more serious blogs about world peace and politics and realize just how shallow I really am. Seriously people, this is about as deep as I can get today.

ps. I am slowly collecting everyone's buttons.. don't be insulted if yours isn't listed yet.. just haven't gotten to it yet.. I swear.. It will be there.. soon!

Would You Rather Wednesday.... a few hours early

It's Wednesday and you know what that means...time to make some tough decisions. You cannot say neither! Anyone who does will be punched. Hard. I'm serious. Don't even try it.....

Here ya go!

You've won the lottery.. would you rather get all the money at once, or spread it out through an annuity (monthly payements)?

Would you rather have Michelle Obama's arms..........

or Kim Kardashian's butt?


Would you rather be stuck in the show Lost or Heroes?

And Bonus Gross Out Question (fast food edition).. because you know that's why you come....

Who would you rather dance the Hortizontal Mambo with.... The creepy Burger King guy?
Or Ronald Mcdonald...


And you can thank me later for the images I am sure are running through your mind right now...

Question/Topic of the Week

Hey everyone! My slacker self is back with the question of the week. Feel free to take it to your blog and run wild.. or just answer it here! Just trying to inspire some bloggy creativity. So, on to this weeks topic..

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? What did it look like? Did you buy it? or your parents? Where you embarrassed or proud? How long did you have it? Where did you go in it?

I have to begin by telling you that I have never really cared about cars. Which is weird because I come from a line of car enthusiasts. I could truly care less what I am driving, as long as it gets me where I am going. The car I am driving now is proof of that. It's called the "silver bullet" and that's all I have to say about that.

I bought my first car at age 17. I did not save up for it. Although I had been working since I was 13, with babysitting and Burger King, I had no money set aside for it. My parents had a rule that they would not buy our first cars. (They were very "earn your own way" and all that.) So, because I was not really interested in cars, nor did I have any money.. I took my paycheck from Burger King on the day I turned 17 and went car shopping. The selection of cars available for 149.76 was incredibly slim as you can imagine, and this is what I ended up with:

(not my actual car.. I did not take picures... but this is it's twin, amazingly found online!)

Yes, that's right people. This fine piece of automotive machinery was all mine. A 1978 AMC Concord. It was a lovely shade of faded green, accessorized with sassy spots of orange rust and silver scratches. The interior was too die for, and with that I mean, it smelled like someone died in there. And although I had never been a car enthusiast, I remember getting behind that gigantic steering wheel and inhaling that sweetly decaying body scent and thinking..."Shit. I probably should have saved two paychecks."

However, I do look back fondly on "the Tank". It took me places and that's all I wanted. Sure, I arrived in a rattling, smoking beast that stalled spontaneously and backfired at inopportune moments, but I got where I was going. Which at the time, was my boyfriends house. He was glad just to not have to drive. He even taught me how to do burnouts.. and I mean, really.. isn't that just the most romantic thing you have ever heard?

There really is no freedom like your first car. I remember long drives, singing my heart out to Juliana Hatfield in my Doc Martens and babydoll dresses and just reveling in being alone and being able to go wherever my heart desired. Well, at least until I ran out of gas, cause the gas gauge was broke.

Eventually though.. it was time to move on. The tank had his run and it was good one. But he was a tired, old soul and was eventually put out of his misery. (I forgot to put oil in him and his engine blew up.) But this time, I was prepared. This time I saved two paychecks. Meet the oil guzzling, pollution cloud inducing creature know as "The Mosquito Sprayer".


It lasted about a month, before I ran it straight into the ground and my parents gave in and bought me a car. I think Dad was sick of picking his daughter up on the side of the road next to a smoldering car.

So, I say thank you to you, The Tank and The Mosquito Sprayer for all your hard work and dedication to getting my sweet little teenage self away from my parents( who I am sure were so glad to get my whining butt out of their cars). May you rust in peace forever in your junkyard graves.

#21 Austenland by Shannon Hale

If you are a Jane Austen nut like me, you will love Austenland by Shannon Hale!

Like many women, myself included, Jane Hayes has a crush on Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. But not just any Mr. Darcy, she is enchanted by Colin Firth's version of the BBC's adaption. (You know the one... and you know you love him too!) But Jane is not your typical Darcy fan. She is not content to just watch the dvd, drool a little, and then put it away. Jane is obsessed. Her constant failed relationships are proof of that. She compares every man she meets with her ideal man, aka Darcy.

A concerned family member bequeths her the most amazing gift, an all expenses paid trip to England. But not just any old England...Regency England! That's right, she's sent to Pembrook Park, a unique resort where everyone dresses and acts as if they are living in one of her beloved Jane Austen novels. Handsome actors are paid to give guests the most realistic Austen experience possible, including romances! Jane has decided to use this most generous gift to finally get Darcy out of her system. If she can live out her fantasy one time, she can finally let go. She is plunged head first into Pride and Prejudice. Can she deal with all the rules of society? Can this modern girl adjust to their strict etiquette? More importantly, can she resist falling in love with Mr.Nobly, the very epitome of a real live Mr. Darcy? And just how scandolous would it be if she was caught chasing around that dashing gardner she's spotted on the grounds?

Austenland was such a fun book, that I found myself wishing I could go there myself!!

#20 The Sister by Poppy Adams

Let me start out by saying, that I am the type of person who cannot NOT finish a book. If I begin a book, I have to finish. It's a problem. And this was one of those books that I really wanted to just give up on. I tried several times. And my OCD brought me back. I kept thinking, that maybe it will get better. I was afraid I would miss some amazing plot twist if I gave up on it. So, I suffered through it, hoping to be rewarded for my dedication. I wasn't.

The plot summaries I read sounded so tempting, two sisters reunited after almost 50 years apart. The setting was ideal, a crumbling mansion in Dorset, England. But that's where the attraction ended for me. I just could not get into this story. The characters were boring. The story itself was boring. Even the "shocking" twist towards the end was foreseeable from the middle of the book. And the worst part of all was the "bug talk". The sister's came from a long line of lepidoptrists, moth and butterfly scientists. There was an amazing amount of moth descriptions. I am not talking one or two paragraphs. I am talking about pages and pages of descriptions of moths, their mating patterns, their life spans... etc. Gah... so unbelievably boring. (maybe not to a lepidoptrists.. but definitely to me.).

I hate to give a negative review and I rarely do. Even if I don't particularly like a book, I can usually find a few positive aspects of a story. Sadly, not this time. Poppy Adams seems like a good writer, but maybe the story subject did absolutely nothing for me.

Would you rather Wednesday....

It's that time again!! You must give an answer and you can't say neither. Someone asked me a few weeks ago what happens if they say "neither".... and my answer was..you don't want to know. And that blogger was never seen or heard from again. Don't tempt me people, I'm seriously unbalanced.

Now, Would You Rather?

1. Not wash your face for a month, or not brush your teeth for a week?

2. Have a partner who is silly, goofy and funny but "average" looking... or a partner who is sexy, romantic and somewhat serious?

Bonus gross out questions...
Would you rather make sweet, sweet, monkey love to Alec Trebec?


or get "she-banged" by William Hung?


And to those of you who ask where I come up with these.. well, this is the crap that runs through my mind when boring people are talking to me.

woo hoo! free books.

The UPS man just dropped off these free books from Simon And Schuster! I was so excited! I kissed him.
On the weiner.

PS. SEVERAL PEOPLE HAVE ASKED ME HOW I MANAGED TO GET FREE BOOKS. WELL, SIMON IS THE PIZZA DELIVERY GUY AND SCHUSTER IS OUR MAIL CARRIER... SO YOU FIGURE IT OUT.
(actually I am on the S&S advisory board...)

Question of the week....a day late.

I'm late this week.. sorry.

Question of the week:

Do you have any recurring dreams? If so, what are they? How often do you have them?

I have a version of the same dream every night.. somewhat. I have the usual "high school" dreams. I am in high school and I can't remember my locker combo. I can't find my class. But usually, my dream goes like this: I am in school for the whole year. For the entire year, I have skipped my English class. Now, it's time to graduate and and I realize I can't. Then as I am crying and freaking out.. I think to myself. 'what the hell... I already went to high school and graduated. why am I even here?" I know. It makes no sense. It's always English class. I always realize too late that I wasted the entire year going to high school when I am already graduated. What the hell? I wonder if I have this dream because I go back and forth about going back to college......

anyway... what's yours?

I'll be back Monday...

I am so behind! I need to catch up on my blog reading and comments!! I am going to take this weekend to catch up and maybe get some blog posts set up. So, I will see ya on Monday! Have a great weekend!!!

#19 The Little Giant of Aberdeen County by Tiffany Baker

I could not have loved this book anymore! I adored it and did not want it to end.

Tiffany Baker's first novel begins with the birth of Truly Paice. She is so huge, that before she is born, local townsfolk start taking bets on just how big she will be. Her poor mother is so swollen and enormous that she becomes a spectacle to her neighbors. But that is nothing compared to the spectacle that Truly becomes, when she arrives in this world as a giant. She is so big, that she is blamed for the death of her mother, and must live with that guilt and shame as well as the embarrassment of her girth. She must also deal with the fact that she is the polar opposite of her stunningly beautiful sister, Serena Jane, who is the town's princess. Her childhood is filled with harassment, heartache and confusion.

But Truly is a strong, both physically and mentally. When she thinks the hardships of childhood are over she is called to step in and take care of her sister's family. Serena's little boy is a joy, but her husband is another story altogether. Once again, Truly is face to face with a bully.

Truly is an amazing character, as big with heart as she is in size. And though she is famous for her enormous bulk, she also become known for her kindness in times of true desperation. Can Truly really be a savior to those who tortured her? Can she look beyond the abuse and torment to help those who are helpless and begging for her assistance? And is it possible for her to ever find love in a town where she is considered a "freak"? Can anyone see beyond her massive size? And can she get beyond her massive wall of anger and resentment to let anyone see?

Question of the week..

Alright, here is your question of the week! Feel free to take it and run over to your own blog and use it as inspiration for a longer post. Of course, I love your comments, so you can also just answer there!

We've got snow today, alot of it. I am so glad. We've had little piddly snowfalls so far this year. We finally got hammered with some real stuff! (perverts.. don't even try it..I know what your're gonna say.) So, my question this is... HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR PERFECT SNOW DAY?

There are a few things that need to be in order for me to truly enjoy a snow day. First of all, it has to be a significant snowfall. None of that slushy, sleety crap. I need inches! (again, pervs, we are talking about snow.) It has to be enough that we can stay home from work/school without feeling guilty. Also, the house must be fully stocked. Now, I am not one of those people who freak out over snow and run to the store for bread and milk. I do, however, freak out and run to the store for ice cream, doritos and tastykakes.. you know, the essentials. Copious amounts of coffee must also be at the ready. Now, on to entertainment. Sure, we got out and play in the snow for a while, but the big entertainment is saved for inside the house. Naps. Glorious, amazing, and beautiful naps. Wrapped up on the couch in my best "lounge wear", dozing and snoring for a good hour or so. Upon waking, snacks are neccesary and then it's on to the movies. Old movies, new movies, funny or sad movies. It doesn't matter. But there must be a good selection. (thank God for On Demand and Tivo.) And lastly, for maximum snow day enjoyment, the internet. Now it's time to discover all that youtube gold that I've been missing! Who knew there were over 500 videos of farting contests? And hundreds of videos of babies and puppies falling asleep? You bet! In fact, I just watched a few and they are making me sleepy.. maybe it's time for Nap #1.

If you've got a snow today, try and enjoy it. And if you don't, well, have fun working! mwwwhaaaahaa!